Family trip to Utah

Hey folks,

I am very excited and nervous right now because we are flying to Utah today. I know, we have already made trips to Maryland, Philadelphia and New Hampshire but we drove there by car and now we use an airplane! I have no idea how this will go. What documents do I need? To be on the safe side I will take all: my passport (of course), my ID, my visa, my DS2017. I can’t realize we go there. We will land in Salt Lake City but we will stay in Park City in an AirBnB. Our flight will go at 7:20pm so we still have plenty of time. My suitcase is packed since friday. It is the small hand luggage suitcase. It was hard to get everything in there although we just stay there until friday but it is ski stuff which is puffy! I can’t believe I got everything in there! But taking the big suitcase would be weird, it would be half empty probably and my hostfamily has the small bags and I use my huge suitcase? No thanks. I have no idea what to exspect. That will be my second night flight and the boys are already tired so they will probably sleep. My hostdad said I should exspect us to arrive at our AirBnB at 2am. Great. Tomorrow is no ski school so we can sleep in but it is on Tuesday and Wednesday and we will meet my hostdad’s cousin someday too. I am not nervous about meeting his family anymore. His family is very nice, I am just anxious about me having forgotten everything I learned about skiing six weeks ago. As long as I do not have to ski on intermediate slopes again I am good. We won’t just ski there, my hostmum really wants to see the hot springs so hopefully we can do that too.

Here it has snowed overnight and I am not sad we will miss the snow. I take my computer with me so I can stream the Olympics there too. Between Utah and Massachusetts is a time difference of two hours and it will take us around six hours to fly there. I am already curious next to whom I will sit. But back to the Olympics, so because of the time difference most of the events are in the evening and at night. Luckily I sleep on the sofa in the living room so I won’t disturb anyone watching it. I am still doing good on my bet although Norway just overtook the lead at the medal table. Nevertheless I am very satisfied with Germany’s performance especially with Eric Frenzel (who won already one gold medal and still has the chance for more) and with Andreas Wellinger in ski jumping, one of my favorite sports to watch, I couldn’t imagine doing it, jumping down a hill, it looks more like flying. He won one gold and one silver medal and he can get one more gold? tomorrow in the team competition. I HAVE to watch it hence my computer.

I am so nervous, I can’t wait to leave and I really do not know what to do until we leave for the airport.
See ya!




Hey guys,
I finally back. My adventure in the US continues. I had interesting last few months, where I put my finger in an immersion blender, had my first car accident, still have zero friends, have been to five different states, celebrated my first christmas and new years without my family, had an American thanksgiving, went to New York City to admire the christmas decorations, am going to an US-college, had a sleepover at a museum, watched the SuperBowl in the US (my host familiy’s favorite team won, my hostdad and my oldest host kid even flew to Minneapolis),  was skiing the first time after seven years, was snowtubing, made harbor cruise, baked a lot and am still not missing home.

So first of all, my finger is fine, it was on Patriot’s day and the boys had no school so in the afternoon we decided to make three different dishes, we, well more I finished the dessert, Banana split pie and we moved on to the next thing, carrot chickpea snacks. My oldest one does not like chickpeas so after succesfully mashing the chickpeas we decided to mash black beans. Black beans are much more solid than chickpeas so I decided to use the immersion blender to shred it. It worked out well, I was afraid the boys would get hurt so I told them to stay back and did it myself. After unplugging it i wanted to clean it, I even had to think about my mum and if it would be one of her stories I would cut off my finger now. Suddenly the immersion blender started and my finger was caught inside the blade. I was so shocked I just cried out once and told the boys to stay away. It started bleeding heavily right away and i tried to remove the blade from my finger. That was the moment I saw I did not unplugg the immersion blender but the mixer next to it. Damn!!! It hurted so bad and I clutched my finger and squeezed it as hard as i could to make it numb and stop the bleeding. I rushed to the bathroom to let cold water run over it. It was bleeding so much I bleed like a pig and left stains everywhere regardless of the mess I made when my finger was caught in the blender, I threw everything sitting on the counter down on the floor. To avoid the boys seeing me crying I send them away to have screentime while I panicked and started crying and wished my mum would be here because she knows what to do. So I paced through the house, crying, unable to watch how much of my finger I had cut off, hoping my host mum would come home. Unfortunately it was just after 3 and she would not be home for the next three hours. I was weighing the pros and cons of calling 911. I was worried about the boys, what would happen with them, what about my insurance etc, so I decided I had to look at it and see how bad it was but I just couldnt because I was so afraid to see how bad it really was because I knew my finger was still there but was it hanging at a string? After wandering through the house for 70 minutes I decided to look at it. I was a little bit dissapointed that the boys never looked for me but it was probably better. So when I lessened the pressure around my finger it started bleeding profusely again. I let water running over it now without my other hand protecting it so it washed up the fresh blood and i could finally see it, it was actually better than i imagined, I had cut it right where the finger nail started and even the finger nail was cut in half until the middle of the nail. I was just worried because it did not stop bleeding. I called my mum but she did not pick up so I called my sister, guys, I was desperate, I had to talk to someone! She was no big help because she was so engaged in her computer game. Well I just told her everything anyway and she told me mum was working. Because she did not listen anyways our call ended after 10 minutes and I started cleaning up the kitchen. I hoped I could clean up most of it before my host parents would come home, it was already a little after five. But I was not lucky this day, my host mum came approx. 5 minutes after I had started cleaning up, she said it looks like we were very busy and when she saw the blood I told her what has happended  but that I was fine. She asked if i would have to go to the hospital but I said no. So she continued working from home and I had to clean up the kitchen but I ended up talking to my mum because I had wrote her some messages which were stuff like ‘Do not worry, I did not die’ because I was frustrated when I haven’t been able to reach her. She was shocked and wanted to know everything in detail and i had to send her tons of pictures. She was worried but I tried to calm her down. When my host dad came home he was very worried and wanted to see it right away but we were about to have dinner so I did not want to ruin that and my host mum said I am old enough he does not need to check on me. Thanks! I was actually really relieved to show it to someone who was not thousands of miles away. After dinner i showed it to him and he said it is sketchy and I should decide if I wanna go to the ER he would drive me there. He has been there often because he had a lot of injuries already. But I refused his offer. My host mum gave me an antibiotic ointment which I applied and put an band aid on.
Now my finger is healed without seeing an doctor. My finger tip is numb and the part where the cut is is very sensitive, even the slightest touches hurt. My fingernail is split and started to protrude so I had to cut off these part and now I have a hole in my nail.

I am telling you more about the other events the next time.

What I wanted to write about was home. I got a 5 year journal at the beginning of the year, where you have to answer a question every day and they repeat every year for five years. It currently asked me what home is and I wrote that I refer to my living place in Germany as home as well as to my host parents house. At first I tried to not refer to the house in the US as home when I talked to my mum but that is ridicioulus, I was searching for a second family, although I doubt I found it. Today I realised I have no real home where I am feeling 100% comfortable. Alone the thought of returning to Germany scares me. Everything seems so small, boring and predetermined while I am free here. I can’t return, but should I extend? It is not as good as I imagined and most of the times it is awkward with my host parents. This question stressed me out so much, I knew already after a few weeks I would extend for nine more months but with the same family? The area is great, I kind of like the boys, they are so cute and well mannered and if I would leave them for another family I would definitly throw away even the slightest chance to see them as a second family and stay in contact. But maybe I would find a better family somewhere else! Ahhhhh! So I recently decided to wait what they would do, if they ask me to stay longer I would although I am not so sure, looking at my work, I wouldnt ask me… Well, to make it even harder, my mum suggested I should go to New Zealand as an Au Pair after my year here. I have no idea how she came up with this idea. She always tells me how much she misses me and she can’t wait until I come home and then she wants me to leave again? Why? She said I should think about it. I already did some research. I am not sure. I kind of like the idea but it feels like I will never accomplish something. I will start studying 3 years after graduation. My fellow students will be 3 years younger than me! I kind of like the thought to extend for 6 months AND go to New Zealand but my mum will hate this idea but I should make my own decisions! I mean it was her idea with New Zealand! But I do not want to break my mum’s heart! Oh man, what should I do? Moreover, I miss my cat Frau Schröder so much (she is actually the only living being I miss) and what would it do to her if I would leave her again? I would miss 2 years of her life!

Do not get me wrong, I love Germany. Staying in the US made me even realise how much! I just can’t bear the thought of returning home to my family in my small home town with no clue what to do in my future. I would not like to stay here permanently, Germany is too cool but I living somewhere else. When I don’t do it know I never will! And it is always just for a short amount of time and not for forever.

Btw, I am so proud of Germany leading the Olympic medal table. I even betted with my host dad that Germany would get more gold medals than the US, we did it already 2006 and 2010. Come on Germany!



So Leuts,

I have less than 24 hours left with my family. I am total panicking, not because I leave ( I think that is going to happen soon) but because I am packing my suitcase since Sunday, okay I started on Sunday and continued yesterday and I have too much stuff. Originally I thought I am really good at packing, everything seemed to fit and I wasn’t even sure if I need the hand luggage but everyone made me feel like I have not enough and now I have too much (it does not fit into the suitcase I haven’t weighed it yet) and I does not know what to leave at home, everything seems important! I have not much else than clothes, is this normal? Unfortunately, the presents for the host family take one third of the space! Ups. 

My aunt made a USA – Rebecca is coming Party yesterday. There were burgers and beer (Bud light for me and German for the others, to be honest I haven’t tasted a difference) and I have baked cookie butter cupcakes. There was American music and my aunt wanted to know everything about my flight, my travel preparations, my first days in New York, my future if I want to expand. She said I should not answer the messages of my mum everyday because when I am not at home it should feel like it too. My mum could have killed her. 

I am still not nervous because I cannot realise I am leaving tomorrow. Weird. 

I crafted the whole week (instead of packing) goodbye presents for my parents and my grandma: a clock full of pictures with typical American images so they know what time it is in Boston and a calendar with pictures from us as well as from New England. Now that I am finish I think it is ridiculous and a totally self centered present but I thought I have to give them something! 

What I have to do today is obviously packing, cleaning up my room, it looks like something exploded in here because I have thrown everything I thought I wanted to take with me into the floor and now there is barely floor visible, I want to shower, eat all the stuff which only I eat (happy eating), vacuum at my grandma’s, search the suitcase scale, say goodbye to my grandma and my aunt, cook dinner (Chili con carne), maybe read, oh not to forget quit my job, sleep and I think that’s it. 


Only 19 days until the new American Football regular season starts!😍🎉 I am so excited! The first game I could watch in the US is one of the 7pm games on October 22 (week 7) but somehow I doubt my host family is an American Football fan – unfortunately. Maybe I get to know an other AuPair who likes Football as much as I do and ideally lives in Massachusetts too! I got my payment information for the AuPair programme and insurance fee and my mum still asks everyday if I am sure I want to do it. I am. I am really looking forward to it. It is not even a problem that I have to fly one day earlier than planned because of the AAA driver’s course! Although I start to doubt if I have matched with the right family… 


Okay first of all, I have write this post again because it just got deleted. Damn it.

I think I will die of boredom soon. Everyone has something to do except for me. My little cousin is in Croatia, my oldest cousin went to the North Sea with a couple of friends, even my sister will travel to Denmark with the Girl Scouts and my parents will spend a week in Vienna. The only one who stays at home for two weeks is me. I think my mum would pay a short trip somewhere but I do not want to be dependent on my parents and their money. Moreover they do not have much money either otherwise they would go to the Carribbean for holiday. My mum puts aside a lot of money so she has money she can spend on things for my sister and me. I do not want that my mum almost buys nothing for her so she has enough money for us. It is just not right. My sister has a different opinion she wants and wants and wants new things.

I think I hit the bottom now. I just had to file unemployment not because of the money but so my parents get child support and I stay social secured. I searched for a job for weeks now, effortlessly. They all think I will quit in October because they assume I will start studying then – wrong. I still do not know WHAT to study and there are only a few days left (until July 15) to apply for a place at the university but I still do not know what I want (and you all know how bad I am at making decisions). Eventually I will have no job nor a place at the university. I am such a loser. I do not know how to spend my days. Since I have no school anymore (which is since May 12) my days are all the same, I get up very early because I hate to sleep in late (I always feel like I miss half the day), prepare breakfast, go running, then I surf in the Internet (lately looking for jobs), talk to my mum, sleep, prepare and eat dinner, watch TV although it does not interest me, sleep, all in all, I wait that anther day passes. I hate running but it is my only task and I cannot quit it! I always get the best ideas and thoughts during I run. Actually, I just came back from it although it is more than 35 degrees outside but I have to fill the 24 hours of the day somehow!

Two weeks ago was my graduation. I hated it. It was very hot and I was not very eager to see all the people who are so good at ignoring me. Our teachers held a lot of speeches with the messages: “What you achieved is fantastic, you can be so proud!” “The world is now open and you can do what you want!” “Nothing can stop you” “Your life just begins” “School was easy, everything gets harder now” and so on and on. I was not very encouraging. This are just phrases everyone says but one cannot take serious. Only the very good and very engaged students got honored so for the Reston us it was very boring. Surprisingly I had not the worst overall A-Level result although I never raised my hand which contributes 50% to the grade. I was not lazy, I was afraid that the other would laugh. I ruined my A-Levels by this. My mum (who was the only one who accompanied me) and I were glad when it was over.

A week later the horror started anew: the big ball (organized by the students to celebrate themselves and praise their teachers). This time my mum and dad came. The students sat on a gallery and the teachers and parents sat below us so they could not see us. I was worried about where to sit but like the week before I got invited to sit next to two classmates of mine, okay they ignored me the whole time but at least I had not had to worry about a place to sit. The celebration took 5 freaking hours, five!!! Can you believe it? It was extraordinary boring and I played with my cell phone. We were nine different classes and everyone had to produce a video to introduce their class. My crappy class decided to sing a song of praise for our tutor. I hated the idea, I mean I am scared to talk with them and especially in front of a lot of people and then more than 500 people should see me singing?! Because everyone had to sing a verse alone? I hate my class, I hate them so much! I did it of course but it was so embarrassing. Our video was by far the worst. After every video two of each class held a speech which summed up the last two years and praised their teacher. It was terrible not only because they lied like troopers but because they hardly tried to be funny but failed. During the videos there were performances by the year below us like dances and songs. Even two girls of my year sang a song but everyone (okay, not th teachers and parents) laughed about the because it sounded awful, Who recommended them to sing there? Of course had someone the glorious idea to make a father-daughter and mother-son dance. Fortunately I was able to convince my father that we do not participate. Somehow I think it is very embarrassing. There were even two breaks a 30 minutes which could have been omitted because the event took 5 and a half hours. Jesus! The only funny thing were the waiter. Two boys dropped literally everything and if one heard glass shattering on the staircase again one could easily guess whose fault it was! They even ruined some dresses and suits! Food was almost non-existent. Everyone got one tiny, tiny glass with either potato salad or meat. We were all starving!

Two days later was the After-show party to which I did not go. I have enough experiences of school parties to know that I would stand alone in a corner and wish that the party is soon over. Surprisingly one of my classmates, who refused to go as well, asked if we want to go to a restaurant instead and spend the evening together. Because I longed for distraction I said yes. We went to a restaurant which looked like a retirement home and the people who came there matched the impression. We decreases the average age from 90 to 80. But the food was delicious. I drove her home afterwards. It was her and her friend with whom I met to eat breakfast together a week before. We stayed in the cafe four hours and just talked (it did not feel like 4 hours the time just flew by). Afterwards we went to the city center to eat ice cream (well, I just watched them eating ice cream). I drove them both home there, too. I do not know why everything has to be about food not only then but at home as well. My mum knows barely another topic than food, what should she make for dinner, we should go to a restaurant again, could I bake a cake, could I buy buns for breakfast, she is so hungry what could she eat, do I want an ice cream? Ugh.

Now to the topic I think about the most: AuPair.
During my graduation my tutor (who has filled out my character reference) asked me if I could write her a post card when I am in the US. I had to tell her then that no host family wants me as an AuPair and she was shocked because she thought the Organisation just matches AuPair and host family. An classmate overheard the conversation and asked me if I want the telephone number of an acquaintance of her who knows a host family who is still searching an AuPair. I was happy for a new opportunity and said yes. I wrote her the same day. She told me about the host family from Philly with two girls. It sounded good until I heard that I had to change the Organisation to match with the family. The family was registered at Cultural Care AuPair (the Organisation I did not wanted to choose because it was the most expansive and the one with the worst critics) and I am registered at AIFS. Actually, I thought about changing the Organisation for a short time but I would have to fill out every form anew and request a new medical form and criminal record what would cost money again and in the end the family and I do not like each other and everything was for nothing. So I declined her offer. I gave up the idea of a year abroad.
Four days later a new host family emailed me that they are interested. I was very happy. Again four days later I skyped with the host mum, she is awesome. She is really sympathic and the family is everything I have always wished for. Okay there are three boys (I would prefer two but I will make it) and I can start not until Mid-October (I wanted to start by no later than the beginning of September so I could start studying the next year after I came back, but I have to admit I changed my availability time so my chances were higher to get a host family). Our skype interview was the longest, funniest and best I ever had, I tried to speak a lot. She said she really enjoyed talking to me and we skype again tomorrow, then with her husband too. Two days ago I skyped with their current AuPair (I was the only applicant who were able to do so, which is a good sign I think). I really hope it will work eventually!

So now to you dear Amy. It is thanks to you that I write this blog post. I doubt I am a good distraction because my life is really messed up (more than I let someone know) and boring but I m very honored that you like my blog because I just became a big fan of yours! (Guys, check it out, it is awesome!!!! –> My winged words ). We are more alike than one thinks. I am sorry that I cannot give you any tips about blogging because I do not have any rules. I just write about my day and what touches me, my thoughts and ideas, just like a diary. I hope that other people who are like me find comfort in it and does not feel alone. I wish you all the best and I wish I could tell you something which would help you but I am the last one who should give you any advises about overcoming an eating disorder. I really admire your bravery and honesty and cannot wait for a new post from you.

XOXO Becca

Police interrogation

Hey there,

I am very busy with learning for my A-Levels lately but I try to have time for my Host family search as well.
My dream family from Texas rejected me unfortunately and I was very desperate until I got a new suggestion yesterday. I was sure that I will never find a good host family, maybe because I am too late or my application is total crap.

I wrote with the host dad of the newly suggested host family (from Chicago) and we arranged a Skype Interview for today. I was not very nervous because I thought it will be as casual as the one with the host mum from Texas last week. Think again! It was horrible ( and lasted even longer!) The host dad asked me a lot of questions, sometimes even very private ones like how my parents punished me or who I am closest to in my family and why. He wanted to know a lot of things (my hobbies, in detail, e.g. how often and what I cook, my driving behaviour, e.g. which car I drive and how often, if I had been in a foreign country alone, e.g. where I did my internship, how it was, how my exchange to England was, and so on. A ton of questions, I was afraid that it will never end. It was worse than every police interrogation I could imagine. Sometimes I had difficulties to express what I want to say but I think he understood me and even said my English is very good! At the end I was able to ask some questions and it seemed like he want to have perfect kids so they are constantly under pressure to improve. Moreover there were quite a few rules for the AuPair and he emphasised that the AuPair would be a worker with special treatment but a worker! In addition to this electronic devices like phones and tablets are not allowed there.

That is not the family I searched for so I just declined a second Skype interview, this time with the host mum.

What next?

Hi there,
I am still here, do not worry!

I do not know if I told you about my plan spending a year abroad as an Au Pair in the US this year after my A-Levels because you know that I always want to go to the US and that living in the US is a dream of me. My blog post about how badly I want to visit the US sometimes. I was so confident about the idea that I never thought it would fail. To be an Au Pair you need at least 200 hours of childcare experience which I have with my two internships in kindergarten. The problem is that it must not be older than 3 years and one of it was in January 2014 and with that 3 years ago. I hoped it would still count but my interviewer told me yesterday after I did all the things which were needed ( a medical form completed by a doctor – I even had to be x-rayed -, a character reference, two childcare references – I crazed the kindergarten because I wanted them to hurry because I knew it would become tight, so I even sent my aunt there because she said they should not be the reason why I am not able to do it. But they were not fast enough. -, a lot of copies of official documents like my passport, a criminal record and the thing which was extremly time-consuming and which made a great effort was the application video which was very hard to film and cut and edit. I am very disappointed and there is no chance how I can get to missing hours especially not a few weeks before my A-Levels! I want to concentrate on good A-Level results rather than on desperatly trying to make my year abroad become reality. I mean I was never so sure about it because it would be a long time I would not be at home. Although I think it would have been a great distraction from home.
Okay, I have cried for a short time when I read the message but now everything is fine. I still have not told it anybody.
The good thing is there is still something I can work for: a journey to the US although I am not sure I want to be there when Trump is president. Well, then I have to wait four more years but that is not much regarding the time I have dreamed about it already!
In the meantime I am going to be a student, the only problem is I have no clue what I want to do later and with that I do not know what to study! Because of this the year abroad would have been a great chance to think about it.

Have a nice weekend.
Becca ♥