Inpatient

Only 19 days until the new American Football regular season starts!😍🎉 I am so excited! The first game I could watch in the US is one of the 7pm games on October 22 (week 7) but somehow I doubt my host family is an American Football fan – unfortunately. Maybe I get to know an other AuPair who likes Football as much as I do and ideally lives in Massachusetts too! I got my payment information for the AuPair programme and insurance fee and my mum still asks everyday if I am sure I want to do it. I am. I am really looking forward to it. It is not even a problem that I have to fly one day earlier than planned because of the AAA driver’s course! Although I start to doubt if I have matched with the right family… 

Summer

Okay first of all, I have write this post again because it just got deleted. Damn it.

I think I will die of boredom soon. Everyone has something to do except for me. My little cousin is in Croatia, my oldest cousin went to the North Sea with a couple of friends, even my sister will travel to Denmark with the Girl Scouts and my parents will spend a week in Vienna. The only one who stays at home for two weeks is me. I think my mum would pay a short trip somewhere but I do not want to be dependent on my parents and their money. Moreover they do not have much money either otherwise they would go to the Carribbean for holiday. My mum puts aside a lot of money so she has money she can spend on things for my sister and me. I do not want that my mum almost buys nothing for her so she has enough money for us. It is just not right. My sister has a different opinion she wants and wants and wants new things.

I think I hit the bottom now. I just had to file unemployment not because of the money but so my parents get child support and I stay social secured. I searched for a job for weeks now, effortlessly. They all think I will quit in October because they assume I will start studying then – wrong. I still do not know WHAT to study and there are only a few days left (until July 15) to apply for a place at the university but I still do not know what I want (and you all know how bad I am at making decisions). Eventually I will have no job nor a place at the university. I am such a loser. I do not know how to spend my days. Since I have no school anymore (which is since May 12) my days are all the same, I get up very early because I hate to sleep in late (I always feel like I miss half the day), prepare breakfast, go running, then I surf in the Internet (lately looking for jobs), talk to my mum, sleep, prepare and eat dinner, watch TV although it does not interest me, sleep, all in all, I wait that anther day passes. I hate running but it is my only task and I cannot quit it! I always get the best ideas and thoughts during I run. Actually, I just came back from it although it is more than 35 degrees outside but I have to fill the 24 hours of the day somehow!

Two weeks ago was my graduation. I hated it. It was very hot and I was not very eager to see all the people who are so good at ignoring me. Our teachers held a lot of speeches with the messages: “What you achieved is fantastic, you can be so proud!” “The world is now open and you can do what you want!” “Nothing can stop you” “Your life just begins” “School was easy, everything gets harder now” and so on and on. I was not very encouraging. This are just phrases everyone says but one cannot take serious. Only the very good and very engaged students got honored so for the Reston us it was very boring. Surprisingly I had not the worst overall A-Level result although I never raised my hand which contributes 50% to the grade. I was not lazy, I was afraid that the other would laugh. I ruined my A-Levels by this. My mum (who was the only one who accompanied me) and I were glad when it was over.

A week later the horror started anew: the big ball (organized by the students to celebrate themselves and praise their teachers). This time my mum and dad came. The students sat on a gallery and the teachers and parents sat below us so they could not see us. I was worried about where to sit but like the week before I got invited to sit next to two classmates of mine, okay they ignored me the whole time but at least I had not had to worry about a place to sit. The celebration took 5 freaking hours, five!!! Can you believe it? It was extraordinary boring and I played with my cell phone. We were nine different classes and everyone had to produce a video to introduce their class. My crappy class decided to sing a song of praise for our tutor. I hated the idea, I mean I am scared to talk with them and especially in front of a lot of people and then more than 500 people should see me singing?! Because everyone had to sing a verse alone? I hate my class, I hate them so much! I did it of course but it was so embarrassing. Our video was by far the worst. After every video two of each class held a speech which summed up the last two years and praised their teacher. It was terrible not only because they lied like troopers but because they hardly tried to be funny but failed. During the videos there were performances by the year below us like dances and songs. Even two girls of my year sang a song but everyone (okay, not th teachers and parents) laughed about the because it sounded awful, Who recommended them to sing there? Of course had someone the glorious idea to make a father-daughter and mother-son dance. Fortunately I was able to convince my father that we do not participate. Somehow I think it is very embarrassing. There were even two breaks a 30 minutes which could have been omitted because the event took 5 and a half hours. Jesus! The only funny thing were the waiter. Two boys dropped literally everything and if one heard glass shattering on the staircase again one could easily guess whose fault it was! They even ruined some dresses and suits! Food was almost non-existent. Everyone got one tiny, tiny glass with either potato salad or meat. We were all starving!

Two days later was the After-show party to which I did not go. I have enough experiences of school parties to know that I would stand alone in a corner and wish that the party is soon over. Surprisingly one of my classmates, who refused to go as well, asked if we want to go to a restaurant instead and spend the evening together. Because I longed for distraction I said yes. We went to a restaurant which looked like a retirement home and the people who came there matched the impression. We decreases the average age from 90 to 80. But the food was delicious. I drove her home afterwards. It was her and her friend with whom I met to eat breakfast together a week before. We stayed in the cafe four hours and just talked (it did not feel like 4 hours the time just flew by). Afterwards we went to the city center to eat ice cream (well, I just watched them eating ice cream). I drove them both home there, too. I do not know why everything has to be about food not only then but at home as well. My mum knows barely another topic than food, what should she make for dinner, we should go to a restaurant again, could I bake a cake, could I buy buns for breakfast, she is so hungry what could she eat, do I want an ice cream? Ugh.

Now to the topic I think about the most: AuPair.
During my graduation my tutor (who has filled out my character reference) asked me if I could write her a post card when I am in the US. I had to tell her then that no host family wants me as an AuPair and she was shocked because she thought the Organisation just matches AuPair and host family. An classmate overheard the conversation and asked me if I want the telephone number of an acquaintance of her who knows a host family who is still searching an AuPair. I was happy for a new opportunity and said yes. I wrote her the same day. She told me about the host family from Philly with two girls. It sounded good until I heard that I had to change the Organisation to match with the family. The family was registered at Cultural Care AuPair (the Organisation I did not wanted to choose because it was the most expansive and the one with the worst critics) and I am registered at AIFS. Actually, I thought about changing the Organisation for a short time but I would have to fill out every form anew and request a new medical form and criminal record what would cost money again and in the end the family and I do not like each other and everything was for nothing. So I declined her offer. I gave up the idea of a year abroad.
Four days later a new host family emailed me that they are interested. I was very happy. Again four days later I skyped with the host mum, she is awesome. She is really sympathic and the family is everything I have always wished for. Okay there are three boys (I would prefer two but I will make it) and I can start not until Mid-October (I wanted to start by no later than the beginning of September so I could start studying the next year after I came back, but I have to admit I changed my availability time so my chances were higher to get a host family). Our skype interview was the longest, funniest and best I ever had, I tried to speak a lot. She said she really enjoyed talking to me and we skype again tomorrow, then with her husband too. Two days ago I skyped with their current AuPair (I was the only applicant who were able to do so, which is a good sign I think). I really hope it will work eventually!

So now to you dear Amy. It is thanks to you that I write this blog post. I doubt I am a good distraction because my life is really messed up (more than I let someone know) and boring but I m very honored that you like my blog because I just became a big fan of yours! (Guys, check it out, it is awesome!!!! –> My winged words ). We are more alike than one thinks. I am sorry that I cannot give you any tips about blogging because I do not have any rules. I just write about my day and what touches me, my thoughts and ideas, just like a diary. I hope that other people who are like me find comfort in it and does not feel alone. I wish you all the best and I wish I could tell you something which would help you but I am the last one who should give you any advises about overcoming an eating disorder. I really admire your bravery and honesty and cannot wait for a new post from you.

XOXO Becca

Police interrogation

Hey there,

I am very busy with learning for my A-Levels lately but I try to have time for my Host family search as well.
My dream family from Texas rejected me unfortunately and I was very desperate until I got a new suggestion yesterday. I was sure that I will never find a good host family, maybe because I am too late or my application is total crap.

I wrote with the host dad of the newly suggested host family (from Chicago) and we arranged a Skype Interview for today. I was not very nervous because I thought it will be as casual as the one with the host mum from Texas last week. Think again! It was horrible ( and lasted even longer!) The host dad asked me a lot of questions, sometimes even very private ones like how my parents punished me or who I am closest to in my family and why. He wanted to know a lot of things (my hobbies, in detail, e.g. how often and what I cook, my driving behaviour, e.g. which car I drive and how often, if I had been in a foreign country alone, e.g. where I did my internship, how it was, how my exchange to England was, and so on. A ton of questions, I was afraid that it will never end. It was worse than every police interrogation I could imagine. Sometimes I had difficulties to express what I want to say but I think he understood me and even said my English is very good! At the end I was able to ask some questions and it seemed like he want to have perfect kids so they are constantly under pressure to improve. Moreover there were quite a few rules for the AuPair and he emphasised that the AuPair would be a worker with special treatment but a worker! In addition to this electronic devices like phones and tablets are not allowed there.

That is not the family I searched for so I just declined a second Skype interview, this time with the host mum.

What next?

Hi there,
I am still here, do not worry!

I do not know if I told you about my plan spending a year abroad as an Au Pair in the US this year after my A-Levels because you know that I always want to go to the US and that living in the US is a dream of me. My blog post about how badly I want to visit the US sometimes. I was so confident about the idea that I never thought it would fail. To be an Au Pair you need at least 200 hours of childcare experience which I have with my two internships in kindergarten. The problem is that it must not be older than 3 years and one of it was in January 2014 and with that 3 years ago. I hoped it would still count but my interviewer told me yesterday after I did all the things which were needed ( a medical form completed by a doctor – I even had to be x-rayed -, a character reference, two childcare references – I crazed the kindergarten because I wanted them to hurry because I knew it would become tight, so I even sent my aunt there because she said they should not be the reason why I am not able to do it. But they were not fast enough. -, a lot of copies of official documents like my passport, a criminal record and the thing which was extremly time-consuming and which made a great effort was the application video which was very hard to film and cut and edit. I am very disappointed and there is no chance how I can get to missing hours especially not a few weeks before my A-Levels! I want to concentrate on good A-Level results rather than on desperatly trying to make my year abroad become reality. I mean I was never so sure about it because it would be a long time I would not be at home. Although I think it would have been a great distraction from home.
Okay, I have cried for a short time when I read the message but now everything is fine. I still have not told it anybody.
The good thing is there is still something I can work for: a journey to the US although I am not sure I want to be there when Trump is president. Well, then I have to wait four more years but that is not much regarding the time I have dreamed about it already!
In the meantime I am going to be a student, the only problem is I have no clue what I want to do later and with that I do not know what to study! Because of this the year abroad would have been a great chance to think about it.

Have a nice weekend.
Becca ♥

One year

Wow, guys, can you believe that one year has passed since my last post? I get really melancholic on New Year’s Eve (I hate it actually) and feel very lonely. Sorry for not posting I feel very bad although I even gained followers that way (Hi there, by the way). I cannot believe how fast the year flew by. It was not so bad actually.

  • I made my driver’s license at my first try. Applause please! Thank you.
  • I got 18, which was very boring. I wanted to throw a party but I only knew three people I could invite so it was just a normal day.
  • I did not repeat the school year so this is my last year (hopefully) and I am going to do my A-Levels next year!
  • I survived not only our class trip to Weimar but also to Greece (and it was not that bad). Maybe I post something about it later in a throwback post.
  • Well, I think I got more integrated at school, I mean I got invited to some parties and my seatmate and I get along very well. We have the same humor and we love to gossip about our teacher. I really like her although a lot of people do not.
  • I made a practical training at a kindergarten for my year abroad next year, which was really funny and changed my sight about working with kids. In the first place I never wanted to work with kids because of my horrible practical training in a kindergarten almost 3 years ago but the one in the fall break was really awesome and the kids were so nice I was really sad that it was over.
  • Nobody from my family died or was serious sick. (Thank God!)
  • My former best friend and I started meeting again.
  • I was at the best birthday party ever ( a few days ago). Ok, I know, I haven’t been to a lot of parties but this one was great. I met two of my friends from my old school, got to know their (really nice) friends, got drunk (2 beers, 1 Jägermeister, 1 wodka, 4 Kleine Feiglinge – it is schnaps, 1 Malibu and pineapple juice – drunk it the first time, it is soooooooo delicious!) but had no hangover and I did not something embarissing or threw up.

Ok, it was not very good either, it was ok.

  • My grades got worse. (Great!)
  • My family is a mess, the only thing we do is fighting!
  • I do not know if I can really do my year abroad because I do not have enough childcare experience because the kindergarten where I made the internship almost 3 years ago does not authenticate it.
  • My cat is almost the whole time sick and has to go to the doctor! (It is nothing serious, sometimes she does not eat anything anymore)
  • My new English teacher is crappy. She says my English is horrible. Ok she could be right but I always thought I am not that bad (she gave me 4 Points which means an E). Furthermore she does not teach us anything so we have to teach it ourselves for our A-Levels.
  • The relationship between my cousin and me worsened (unfortunately!) because I haven’t got much time to meet her lately.
  • The Minnesota Vikings are not in the playoffs. (Damn it!)

Nonetheless, I hope YOU had a great 2016 and that your 201 will be even more awesome.

What are your new year’s resolutions? I know mine was to publish more last year (and look how it went) and it is the same this time. Moreover I want to be better at school again and I want (the first time in my life) to put my hand up in school.  Isn’t it incredible how far I have come without raising my hand and just writing good exams, doing my homework and doing good presentations and group works? My grades were never awesome but ok. I never had to repeat a year.

My new year’s eve so far was ok. I got up very early so I was able to get the buns from the backery. After that I made noodle salad because my mum had to work and it has to rest before you can eat it. My dad and my sis are incapable of doing it so I was the only one left to do it otherwise we hadn’t got something for dinner today. After that I learnt for my A-Levels but not very long because I was not very motivated. Then I drove (by myself because I CAN!) to the supermarket to buy the last things for today. After that I just sat down reading and watching other countries (like Australia, who had already 2017 when it was 2pm here) celebrate the new year like I did last year although I was very dissapointed because there were not much celebrations who aired on TV here. Now I just sit here, write my blog entry and answer the WhatsApps from my friend Jaqueline. We both stay at home this year.
Originally I wanted to celebrate with a classmate but she decided to go to a party from another classmate of us to which I was not invited so I decided not to go because if she wanted me to come to her party she would have invited me. Jaqueline said that she perhaps comes over at midnight because she lives only a few minutes away. Let’s see but it would be awesome. I already chill the champagne!

Oh my mum calls, dinner is ready: sausage and noodle salad! (I do not like it very much)
I hope you have big fun celebrating and I wish you a happy new year.

P.S. The people in our neighborhood display their fireworks since midday today and I gets more and more. Why didn’t they wait until midnight?!

All the best, Becca ♥

Back

Bonjour!
It has been a long time since I wrote the last time! Actually I wanted to take my computer with me to France but my dad said no. I am happy to be back, I did not really enjoy my stay in France. Maybe because of my parents? I wondered if people my age still go with their family on vacation the whole time. France was really nice, I really like Baguette. ❤ We went to Grasse, Antibes, Nice, Eze, Vence, the Cave of Baume Obscure, the Grand Canyon of Europe (I did not know that this even exists) and to my birthday wish Monaco! And yes my birthday was when we were in France. I got a new purple camera and a 5€ from my sister. We stayed in a little house in the Alpes 20 km away from the sea but it took us 1 1/2 hours to get there because to get to sea level one had to drive 1 km down and this in just 20km! We often went to the beach and I really love the sea!!! One thing I also enjoyed in France was that some TV chanels are English! For example I was able to watch one of my favorite TV series in English: Criminal Minds! I do not know why but I always enjoy driving to our vacation destination, too. My sister and I watch a movie, we have a little car TV, play with our cell phone, Nintendo DS, iPad or read. I often just watch the landscape passing by especially in Switzerland. I like the mountains so much! I think the Switzerland is so beautiful!
I post pictures later!
Today was day 3 after summer break! My timetable is horrible! Monday, Tuesday, Friday I have school until 5 pm, Wednesday until 3.15pm and thursday until 1pm. And I still need 1 hour until I am at home. But the last two years of school started so everything I do is now important for my Abitur. My major subjects are German and English. In German we are reading 3 books this half year. The first one we have to finish until next monday. It is by Schiller and called Die Jungfrau von Orleans (The Maid of Orleans) based on Jeanne D’Arc. In English we are reading How to kill a mockingbird, next semenster instead of Othello like the years before us Romeo and Julliet and then Mother to Mother.
Today one of my favorite TV-shows airs: The Taste. I really like to bake and cook! My favorite cook is Alexander Herrmann but Frank Rosin and Tim Mälzer are cool too. Unfortunately Lea Linster is not in the jury anymore.

I have to go, my mum called. The dinner is ready. Today it is Chilli con Carne!