Certain but disappointed 

Hi people, 

the Skype Interview and my situation at home let me see that I should and want to be an AuPair although I know that my mum will be sad about it. I was so hopeful aboutthefamily from Texas and I really imagined living there. I wrote their current AuPair but she didn’t answer me. I think this could be thereason they did not pick me. They might have thought that I am not interested in them because their AuPair has not got my email because it maybe got into her spam folder. I do not know. What I know was that I was very disappointed that they did not pick me as their AuPair. I really wanted it. This made me realize that I want to do a year abroad. Although I never truly believed they would pick me (I screwed up the Skype Interview, I asked not enough questions and talked too less all in all and maybe because they thought I never emailed their AuPair and I do not care enough – although I did). I haven’t heard of them for two days and when I saw that I got an email yesterday evening I knew that this would be a refusal email so I was afraid to open it. I was totally down yesterday and i maybe cried a bit. The only thing I could think about today was that they did not want me although I was the AuPair’s favorite. So I screwed it up by being me. Great. I never got am positive answer to any application I sent, regardless to whom or what. Both families who turned me down said that my application is great and I will easily find a host family. Haha, good joke. Three families wrote me in three weeks. I will never find a family until September. I know it sounds ridiculous because it seems like I want to take part in the AuPair Programme since Tuesday but you know I really wanted this a long time before and I just got uncertain because of school and my family.  

Results

I got my results from the written part of my A-Levels today. I would have been satisfied with at least 10 points in history and 7-8 points in English and German. 

I cried when I saw how many points I achieved. I managed to get 10 in history and 8 in English but 5 ! points in German. I knew that it was not perfect but I never expected it to be so bad. I couldn’t stop the tears. It was awful. Everyone told me it is not that bad and that some were altogether even worse than me but that does not cheer me up. Okay some probably did not pass and I feel bad for crying because of 3 points if they did not made it and did not cry. But it was so important to be good. I do not know if I should try to improve my points in an extra test. I doubt that I could increase my points a lot. 

I did not hurry with coming home. When.I got home my mum was very disappointed and said she always thought native German speakers without immigrant background are able to get much more points and that this looks like I am totally dump and that no one will hire me. That was really encouraging. My answer was that clever people will know that it is much more than correct German spelling and grammar and if she thinks she would have scored higher but she said that is not comparable and that I am very arrogant thinking that everybody I deal with is dumb. She cannot understand why I left to go to my room. The first thing I did there was eating chocolate. I just made first steps in getting over it and she crushed it and made everything worse. Maybe I should do a year abroad just to get away from her although she is the reason I originally did not want to go…

At the moment I am discovering my love for Metal music🤘🎧🎵

Sad

Hey,

I am really melancholic lately. Probably because school time ends in a few days. I was rather sad than relieved after I had written my last exam. Do not ask me why. I couldn’t stop some tears yesterday when my R.E. teacher said goodbye to.us and that we are nice human beings and she really overspending time with us. I do not want school to end. I still do not know what to do afterwards. On Monday I got accepted as an AuPair and I am officially searching for a host family now although I do not know whether I will go eventually. My mom does not like the idea and makes me uncertain. If one had asked me 3 months ago I would have been totally secure that I want to go to the US but now I am not so sure it is what I want. The problem is I do not know what I want. In addition to that I cannot abandon the idea of redoing this year. My math teacher just have me 3!!! points that is equal to an E. Son of a bitch! If he would have give me 4 instead of 1 point for my oral grade I would have gotten the 5 points I need. I mean, I do not disturb his lessons, always do my homework and work in class. 1 point is not fair! I hate him so much. Moreover, he said “Sorry, but I do not know how I can give you a better grade” Maybe my written A-Levels are crap and I have to redo this year anyway. I am very angry now. I would not go the math anymore if I haven’t do my oral A-Levels in math. 

However, have you seen the draft last night? It was my first draft. I wanted to watch it last year but I missed my clock and overslept all three nights. This year I went to bed early (11 pm) and got up again at 1:30 am. I prepared some food: bread, strawberries and yoghurt with raspberries. Luckily I had no school before 8:30 am so I was able to get some sleep after the draft ended at 6am. And tonight it continues!

Becca

Done

hey there,

before I write my second A-Level exam tomorrow I want to tell you how English was. It was okay. When I got the three different suggestions I read them one by one. The first one was about slavery. There was a text about a 11 year old girl, who got a slave for her birthday but does not like it and lets her slave free. The first task was to summarize it. The second one was to analyze the stylistic devices and the narrative perspective and how they support the feeling of the girl. The third one was to write a speech as a speaker on a congress against slavery regarding a given bar chart about slavery in the U.K. today.

Suggestion B was about Ethnic identity. The text given were two excerpts of the drama “disgrace”. First, one had to outline the role of religion in Amir’s family. Second, one had to statuette problems in relation to immigrants in the U.K. regarding material discussed in class and the last one was to assess whether cultural appropriation is reprehensible.

Suggestion C was about South Africa. This was a suggestion which had 3 tasks and a mediation. The mediation was about art as an expression of oppression. Task 1 was to summarize the English text. Task 2 was to compare the text to the picture given and to the killing of Amy Biehl in the novel “Mother to mother” by Sindiwe Magona, which we read in class. Discussing if art IS an expression of unsatisfaction was task 3.

After reading one by one I was sure not to pick the currently read one. I was almost ready to chose the one with the mediation although I thought it would be too much but after reading this one as well I was not sure which I should pick. They were all 💩. The first one I eliminated was C because the mediation text was terrible. It seemed it consisted only of names. Moreover, I did not wanted to work with the novel and was not sure what to write for task 3.

It took me really long to decide between A and B. Eventually, I chose B although I had not understand the text. I would have really liked to take A because writing a speech would have been great but the problem was I had not seen one stylistic device in the text and the task was important so I decided to take B. Fortunately, I understood the text while working with it but I think I wrote a lot of unimportant things and sometimes it is probably hard to understand what I mean. Later Jaqueline, who goes to a different school, told me that her teacher said that the Kultusministerium made a little mistake because there are only 2-3 stylistic devices in the text of suggestion A so it is not exspected to write about the stylistic devices but to write a general analysis. If I had known that I would have taken this suggestion! But I cannot blame my teacher because I asked the other English classes at my school but they have not known about it, too. Now it it over and I cannot change it anymore but this infuriates me more than I thought. Grrrr.

However, tomorrow I write my German A-Level exam and I am very nervous although I do not take it very serious because it would not have been necessary to learn for the English A-Levels so I think, better hope, for tasks like this in German, too, although there was no topic I had wished for in English. In German I would like to have poems from the Expressionism and the Romantic like the task last year. A task about “Die Jungfrau von Orleans” by Schiller, “Die Marquise von O” by Kleist or “Lenz” by Büchner would be okay as well. I definitely do not choose the task about “Der Prozess” by Kafka! Okay, I could pick the speech analysis if there is no other possible task although my teacher exspects a lot of background knowledge there. I am, again, not ready. I have not learned enough, again. I am nervous. I hope I can make it. Wish me luck.

All the best luck to the people who write tomorrow!

Becca;)

What next?

Hi there,
I am still here, do not worry!

I do not know if I told you about my plan spending a year abroad as an Au Pair in the US this year after my A-Levels because you know that I always want to go to the US and that living in the US is a dream of me. My blog post about how badly I want to visit the US sometimes. I was so confident about the idea that I never thought it would fail. To be an Au Pair you need at least 200 hours of childcare experience which I have with my two internships in kindergarten. The problem is that it must not be older than 3 years and one of it was in January 2014 and with that 3 years ago. I hoped it would still count but my interviewer told me yesterday after I did all the things which were needed ( a medical form completed by a doctor – I even had to be x-rayed -, a character reference, two childcare references – I crazed the kindergarten because I wanted them to hurry because I knew it would become tight, so I even sent my aunt there because she said they should not be the reason why I am not able to do it. But they were not fast enough. -, a lot of copies of official documents like my passport, a criminal record and the thing which was extremly time-consuming and which made a great effort was the application video which was very hard to film and cut and edit. I am very disappointed and there is no chance how I can get to missing hours especially not a few weeks before my A-Levels! I want to concentrate on good A-Level results rather than on desperatly trying to make my year abroad become reality. I mean I was never so sure about it because it would be a long time I would not be at home. Although I think it would have been a great distraction from home.
Okay, I have cried for a short time when I read the message but now everything is fine. I still have not told it anybody.
The good thing is there is still something I can work for: a journey to the US although I am not sure I want to be there when Trump is president. Well, then I have to wait four more years but that is not much regarding the time I have dreamed about it already!
In the meantime I am going to be a student, the only problem is I have no clue what I want to do later and with that I do not know what to study! Because of this the year abroad would have been a great chance to think about it.

Have a nice weekend.
Becca ♥

Home

Hello I am back home, already since friday. I am really sorry that I have not had the time to write something so I will try to tell you this in the next days. All in all my stay in England was amazing and I am really sad to be home again. Furthermore I am  still a little bit busy because my parents changed my floor from carpeted floor to laminate so they had to empty my room and I have to put it back in my room again. But I am really lazy and instead of cleaning it up, I draw pictures or make mosaics ( found both while cleaning up). I never thought my internship in the UK would be so nice and I am so so so so so so unending sad that my time there is over! Okay guys, I should try finishing the cleaning up of my room today so I go back working and I promise when I am finished you will some more days of my great stay in Stratford-upon-Avon!