Visa granted

So guys, 

I had my appointment at the US consulate yesterday. I was not very nervous although my mom told me permanently that my visa will probably be declined. My only concern was that I would carry something with me I was not allowed to bring inside. When I was about to leave in the morning I just thought of my fitness tracker which I left at home then and because cell phones are prohibited too I had no watch! Argh! I had to take train and subway and although I left 2 hours before my appointment I arrived just 15 minutes too early. I was very scarred that I miss it because one has to pay for another appointment then. I.had to pass two security checks. At the first the man spoke German but at the second was a very bulky guy who almost screamed at us. I think being in the military feels like this. It was very weird but because of this experience I started talking with a very nice girl who will make an internship in Harvard and will live in Boston. We had to go to various counters where we had to show our documents until we had to line up before another counter, the interview counter. There was only one counter for 30 people. We were lucky, the line got longer and longer and in the end there were about 50 people and still just one counter. But the time flew by talking wwith the girl and later two guys joined in, the one has been several times to the US already and will stay three months in Atlanta. The other one makes an internship in another office of his company in Pittsburg. Go Steelers!

The interview itself was very short, the man behind the counter asked me what my purpose of my journey to the US is. I told him I want to do an year abroad as an AuPair in Boston, Massachusetts, He then asked what my childcare experience are and I explained him what I have done already. That was it. My visa got approved. I waited for the girl who was behind me and we went to the Central Station together. 

In general, I can say that all people who talked in English with me regardless if they were part of the security or behind a counter were ten times nicer than the ones who talked in German with me, okay one exception, the guy who interviewed me, he was very pissed and no the bulky security guy was nice, he even joked when we left. 

I will my host family when my visa arrives here. It takes one day to get proceeded says the official website of the consulate so I am hopeful to hold my visa this weekend!

Visa

So people, I got the date for my Visa appointment in the General consulate in Frankfurt. Next Wednesday I will go there. The possible dates were all very early and I have to take at least two trains before my appointment so I will not miss it! I am so excited. It is getting more and more real and although I can barely think about something else, I still can’t realise it! Only 86 days until I fly to New York! I am so happy!

Mom

Originally I should have started working today but I am (still) without an occupation. My mom forbid me to start working in the company because I would make less money than a cleaning lady. Well, I planned to work to have something to do in the first place. Gaining money was just a very big positive side effect. I had to quit it, I already had the working contract. Sigh! I really liked what I would have done! Damn it!

Because I am serious about finding a place to work I wrote new applications straight away. I even got my first answer only one day later. He invited me to a personal talk two days later but only if I would work there for a longer time then. Okay, I lied and said I would like to startthe studying and stay in the area. But hey, I felt bad. My mom made me cancel it because she said the day the interview would have been was the only day we could go and have a breakfast together as a family like it used to be a tradition once every summer break. With family she meant her, my sister and me, not my father. She made me feel bad too and in addition to the bad feeling because I lied I canceled it. 

But now the thing which infuriates, yes present tense, the most: she told my uncle about Boston. Okay, that would not have been a problem in a normal family. So let me explain:

Short after I have matched with the super awesome host family in Boston my mum said she does not want my aunt and uncle to know it because they would not care about us anyway except for now when it seemed like I would go to the US. They would use this as an excuse to go to Boston too and would annoy not only me but my host family as well. Moreover, they would go there and would buy the flight as soon as they know while my mom could not afford visiting me there. Okay, I do not know why but I agreed with her and we did not tell anybody. A few days later I realised how ridiculous this is and that it isn’t true that my aunt does not care. She really supported not only my year abroad but everything I do (e.g. she was the one who got me the internship in England!). I really wanted to tell her although she was on vacation but told me to write if I hear anything from Boston before she drove. But my mom told me not to and I thought that she still needs time to accept it so I obeyed. When we visited my grandma and she asked if I got news from Boston my mom lied fastly before I could say anything and I did not disagree with her (big mistake). This was because she did not want my grandmother to tell my aunt about it. I was sick of all the lying so when we went to visit my other aunt I told her. I think my mom does not really like it but I told them everything about my host family and they seemed very happy. At that point my other aunt still did not know. A clever girl would have written her and told her everything but I thought they would be back the next day and then I could tell them in person. Unfortunately I haven’t seen them then. 

When my uncle, the one who has been on vacation, asked my mom yesterday if we have heard something from the host family she told him everything. When I asked her why she did it she asked if she should have lied. I told her that she lied to her mother but she did not care and could not understand why I was angry. First of all, I wanted to tell them, second, she did not wanted them to know in the first place and third, my aunt should have got to know it first, not her husband. So when my aunt came home, her husband told her everything and she stormed angrily into my room. Why I haven’t told her? Mhhh, why??? My sister then said that I wanted to tell them in person and my mom said that I am angry with her because she told my uncle. My aunt was very, very, very happy about the fact that I will stay in Boston one year but she and my uncle are mad that I haven’t told them. Great! My mom.thought that with this everything was fine but why has she told them that I am angry with her? Now it looks even more like I did not wanted them to know! She still does not get it and although I was angry with her, she is now angry with me and does not even talk with me anymore. Maybe because when she left the house this morning I called my grandma to tell her about Boston so it was me who told her and not my mom or my uncle, who was going to visit her today and would have told her about him being angry with me because of it for sure. I feel very bad for not letting them all know and decide myself what’s best. Why do I behave like an under-aged and do everything my mom tells me without thinking further about it! I am so dump!  Everyone hates me now!

I do not know if someone even understands what I am writing about but I have to write about it, I am  soooooooooo angry!

Job Interview

No, it has not taken until now, I was shopping afterwards, I even looked for presents for my host family, my host family, it sounds weird. I am very happy that I have found one now. Because of this I bought a tapeline of which I will cut off one centimeter every day, it is a countdown to my arrival in the US. 

So, my job interview, I was very early so I sat on a bench, not in front of the building but 3 minutes away, and googled the company again so I was sure I still know everything and googled the guidelines for a job interview. Ten minutes before our scheduled meeting I went to the building but I was not sure if the building I thought is the building I was searching so I walked through the area and came to the conclusion it is the building. By then I had to be there so I hurried inside the building and searched for the company on the Board but it was not listed there but luckily I saw a sign with an arrow guiding the way so I found it only slightly too late. The men with whom I had the appointment was very nice. We grabbed something to drink and first he told me about the company and my tasks. Then I had to tell something about me very very shortly and that was it. I even told him that I will become an AuPair in Mid-October but he said that is okay. Long story short, I have the job!!! Yes. I start working next Monday!

Job interview

Good morning,

I am currently on my way to a job interview. I have to spend the time somehow until my departure. 😉 My nervousness is not so much. Either it will work or not but I will make a new experience, I just hope I will not embarrass myself although, if I think about it now, I won’t see them again so What the heck! Anyway, it is not the perfect job and I would do it just until October, I think I will tell them about my year abroad which will be a big disadvantage of hiring me. 

Wish me luck that it is not that embarrassing! 

Xoxox Becca 😉 

P.S. Only 97 days until my arrival in New York!!!

Summer

Okay first of all, I have write this post again because it just got deleted. Damn it.

I think I will die of boredom soon. Everyone has something to do except for me. My little cousin is in Croatia, my oldest cousin went to the North Sea with a couple of friends, even my sister will travel to Denmark with the Girl Scouts and my parents will spend a week in Vienna. The only one who stays at home for two weeks is me. I think my mum would pay a short trip somewhere but I do not want to be dependent on my parents and their money. Moreover they do not have much money either otherwise they would go to the Carribbean for holiday. My mum puts aside a lot of money so she has money she can spend on things for my sister and me. I do not want that my mum almost buys nothing for her so she has enough money for us. It is just not right. My sister has a different opinion she wants and wants and wants new things.

I think I hit the bottom now. I just had to file unemployment not because of the money but so my parents get child support and I stay social secured. I searched for a job for weeks now, effortlessly. They all think I will quit in October because they assume I will start studying then – wrong. I still do not know WHAT to study and there are only a few days left (until July 15) to apply for a place at the university but I still do not know what I want (and you all know how bad I am at making decisions). Eventually I will have no job nor a place at the university. I am such a loser. I do not know how to spend my days. Since I have no school anymore (which is since May 12) my days are all the same, I get up very early because I hate to sleep in late (I always feel like I miss half the day), prepare breakfast, go running, then I surf in the Internet (lately looking for jobs), talk to my mum, sleep, prepare and eat dinner, watch TV although it does not interest me, sleep, all in all, I wait that anther day passes. I hate running but it is my only task and I cannot quit it! I always get the best ideas and thoughts during I run. Actually, I just came back from it although it is more than 35 degrees outside but I have to fill the 24 hours of the day somehow!

Two weeks ago was my graduation. I hated it. It was very hot and I was not very eager to see all the people who are so good at ignoring me. Our teachers held a lot of speeches with the messages: “What you achieved is fantastic, you can be so proud!” “The world is now open and you can do what you want!” “Nothing can stop you” “Your life just begins” “School was easy, everything gets harder now” and so on and on. I was not very encouraging. This are just phrases everyone says but one cannot take serious. Only the very good and very engaged students got honored so for the Reston us it was very boring. Surprisingly I had not the worst overall A-Level result although I never raised my hand which contributes 50% to the grade. I was not lazy, I was afraid that the other would laugh. I ruined my A-Levels by this. My mum (who was the only one who accompanied me) and I were glad when it was over.

A week later the horror started anew: the big ball (organized by the students to celebrate themselves and praise their teachers). This time my mum and dad came. The students sat on a gallery and the teachers and parents sat below us so they could not see us. I was worried about where to sit but like the week before I got invited to sit next to two classmates of mine, okay they ignored me the whole time but at least I had not had to worry about a place to sit. The celebration took 5 freaking hours, five!!! Can you believe it? It was extraordinary boring and I played with my cell phone. We were nine different classes and everyone had to produce a video to introduce their class. My crappy class decided to sing a song of praise for our tutor. I hated the idea, I mean I am scared to talk with them and especially in front of a lot of people and then more than 500 people should see me singing?! Because everyone had to sing a verse alone? I hate my class, I hate them so much! I did it of course but it was so embarrassing. Our video was by far the worst. After every video two of each class held a speech which summed up the last two years and praised their teacher. It was terrible not only because they lied like troopers but because they hardly tried to be funny but failed. During the videos there were performances by the year below us like dances and songs. Even two girls of my year sang a song but everyone (okay, not th teachers and parents) laughed about the because it sounded awful, Who recommended them to sing there? Of course had someone the glorious idea to make a father-daughter and mother-son dance. Fortunately I was able to convince my father that we do not participate. Somehow I think it is very embarrassing. There were even two breaks a 30 minutes which could have been omitted because the event took 5 and a half hours. Jesus! The only funny thing were the waiter. Two boys dropped literally everything and if one heard glass shattering on the staircase again one could easily guess whose fault it was! They even ruined some dresses and suits! Food was almost non-existent. Everyone got one tiny, tiny glass with either potato salad or meat. We were all starving!

Two days later was the After-show party to which I did not go. I have enough experiences of school parties to know that I would stand alone in a corner and wish that the party is soon over. Surprisingly one of my classmates, who refused to go as well, asked if we want to go to a restaurant instead and spend the evening together. Because I longed for distraction I said yes. We went to a restaurant which looked like a retirement home and the people who came there matched the impression. We decreases the average age from 90 to 80. But the food was delicious. I drove her home afterwards. It was her and her friend with whom I met to eat breakfast together a week before. We stayed in the cafe four hours and just talked (it did not feel like 4 hours the time just flew by). Afterwards we went to the city center to eat ice cream (well, I just watched them eating ice cream). I drove them both home there, too. I do not know why everything has to be about food not only then but at home as well. My mum knows barely another topic than food, what should she make for dinner, we should go to a restaurant again, could I bake a cake, could I buy buns for breakfast, she is so hungry what could she eat, do I want an ice cream? Ugh.

Now to the topic I think about the most: AuPair.
During my graduation my tutor (who has filled out my character reference) asked me if I could write her a post card when I am in the US. I had to tell her then that no host family wants me as an AuPair and she was shocked because she thought the Organisation just matches AuPair and host family. An classmate overheard the conversation and asked me if I want the telephone number of an acquaintance of her who knows a host family who is still searching an AuPair. I was happy for a new opportunity and said yes. I wrote her the same day. She told me about the host family from Philly with two girls. It sounded good until I heard that I had to change the Organisation to match with the family. The family was registered at Cultural Care AuPair (the Organisation I did not wanted to choose because it was the most expansive and the one with the worst critics) and I am registered at AIFS. Actually, I thought about changing the Organisation for a short time but I would have to fill out every form anew and request a new medical form and criminal record what would cost money again and in the end the family and I do not like each other and everything was for nothing. So I declined her offer. I gave up the idea of a year abroad.
Four days later a new host family emailed me that they are interested. I was very happy. Again four days later I skyped with the host mum, she is awesome. She is really sympathic and the family is everything I have always wished for. Okay there are three boys (I would prefer two but I will make it) and I can start not until Mid-October (I wanted to start by no later than the beginning of September so I could start studying the next year after I came back, but I have to admit I changed my availability time so my chances were higher to get a host family). Our skype interview was the longest, funniest and best I ever had, I tried to speak a lot. She said she really enjoyed talking to me and we skype again tomorrow, then with her husband too. Two days ago I skyped with their current AuPair (I was the only applicant who were able to do so, which is a good sign I think). I really hope it will work eventually!

So now to you dear Amy. It is thanks to you that I write this blog post. I doubt I am a good distraction because my life is really messed up (more than I let someone know) and boring but I m very honored that you like my blog because I just became a big fan of yours! (Guys, check it out, it is awesome!!!! –> My winged words ). We are more alike than one thinks. I am sorry that I cannot give you any tips about blogging because I do not have any rules. I just write about my day and what touches me, my thoughts and ideas, just like a diary. I hope that other people who are like me find comfort in it and does not feel alone. I wish you all the best and I wish I could tell you something which would help you but I am the last one who should give you any advises about overcoming an eating disorder. I really admire your bravery and honesty and cannot wait for a new post from you.

XOXO Becca

Nothing new

Hey guys,

It is a wonder that I haven’t died of boredom yet. I am sooooooo bored. I do not know what to do. I cannot search for a job because I do not know when (and if) I have to leave for the US. Oh, by the way, I have a new suggestion from a Swiss family from Boston with whom I have skyped yesterday. It was awkward and I doubt that they will pick me as their new AuPair. I do not believe that my AuPair year will happen so I am searching for an idea what subject I could study but it either sounds boring or has no future potential. That is so frustrating!

Moreover, I am really down, nothing makes fun anymore (not even reading) and I wish I could sleep the whole day. I thought being finish with school feels better. I wish I could be back at school! (I have never imagined saying this, oh god, it is worse than I thought).

I hope you feel better and have more fun.

Becca