Airport

Good morning,

I am currently sitting in the airplane. We are standing on the airfield for almost one and a half hours now because of the mist. 

The day began already excellent. When I checked in and gave away my suitcase it was too heavy (only one kg above the maximum weight) and I had to take something out, in the end it was my winter jacket. I wear two jackets now although it will be 26 C in New York. Awesome! I was so furious I started to cry. 

We met my aunt, my uncle and my cousin and walked to the passport check together. In front of it we waited for one hour and talked. My cousin has made me a little book, which is very cute.

Before the Passport check I had to say goodbye to my family. My sister and father were totally cool but my mother cried the whole time. I thought I would cry too because I have started crying the days before when my mum cried and even cried when my little cousin cried because I would leave. But now I was very cool. Maybe because I am so excited and can’t wait to get there. My dream comes true. I am so happy! The last days I looked full of joy towards my departure and only felt bad when my mum started crying but all in all I am very happy. 

Oh we start moving so I turn on the flight mode now. See you! 

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22

So Leuts,

I have less than 24 hours left with my family. I am total panicking, not because I leave ( I think that is going to happen soon) but because I am packing my suitcase since Sunday, okay I started on Sunday and continued yesterday and I have too much stuff. Originally I thought I am really good at packing, everything seemed to fit and I wasn’t even sure if I need the hand luggage but everyone made me feel like I have not enough and now I have too much (it does not fit into the suitcase I haven’t weighed it yet) and I does not know what to leave at home, everything seems important! I have not much else than clothes, is this normal? Unfortunately, the presents for the host family take one third of the space! Ups. 

My aunt made a USA – Rebecca is coming Party yesterday. There were burgers and beer (Bud light for me and German for the others, to be honest I haven’t tasted a difference) and I have baked cookie butter cupcakes. There was American music and my aunt wanted to know everything about my flight, my travel preparations, my first days in New York, my future if I want to expand. She said I should not answer the messages of my mum everyday because when I am not at home it should feel like it too. My mum could have killed her. 

I am still not nervous because I cannot realise I am leaving tomorrow. Weird. 

I crafted the whole week (instead of packing) goodbye presents for my parents and my grandma: a clock full of pictures with typical American images so they know what time it is in Boston and a calendar with pictures from us as well as from New England. Now that I am finish I think it is ridiculous and a totally self centered present but I thought I have to give them something! 

What I have to do today is obviously packing, cleaning up my room, it looks like something exploded in here because I have thrown everything I thought I wanted to take with me into the floor and now there is barely floor visible, I want to shower, eat all the stuff which only I eat (happy eating), vacuum at my grandma’s, search the suitcase scale, say goodbye to my grandma and my aunt, cook dinner (Chili con carne), maybe read, oh not to forget quit my job, sleep and I think that’s it. 

Job Interviews part 2

I think I have a new hobby: job interviews.

This one was the second this week and the fourth during this month. And it was very exciting and by far the most thrilling and fun! I applied at the airport but not for now but for next year when I return. 

First, I had some problems finding the place (I mean Frankfurt Airport is the biggest in Germany) but I arrived just in time). We were approximately 20 , applicants, the most were dressed very  VERY formal, I felt slightly underdressed, and we had to take a test. The test was about logic e.g. complete numerical series, match fitting words and an English grammar test. I finish first and completed all exercises although the women said that one usually cannot complete all in the given time. Ups. Then I had to talk to the women again about how much I want to work and when I want to start. When they got the test results they either told you you did not pass or they invited to a personal talk which took about 15 minutes and was partly in English. After that I had to wait again. When they think you would fit in you are invited to a 30 minute long talk with a psychologist who evaluates if the job is the right thing for you. I get the result of the last talk within the next two weeks. That was real fun but I was overwhelmed by the last conversation. I think I screwed it up because I did not know what to answer…

Well, let’s see… 

Jobs

So hey,

I had almost a job at a gas station but my mom said either I work there or I have to pay the AuPair programme fee all by myself. So I chose the second option. 

I have a job interview again now for a job as a hostess. I am not nervous because either I get the job (what would be awesome) or I do not get it which would not be the world’s end. It probably won’t work out anyway because I think I am too young and nobody want to hire me for just 2 months. *Sigh* I suppose that I will stay the next 68 days at home but I have still a lot to do, e.g. a lot of doctor visits the work agency and another job interview tomorrow. My mom says I do not need a job because I am so busy. She just does not want me to work but I do not know why. 

Wish me luck! Becca

Job Interview

No, it has not taken until now, I was shopping afterwards, I even looked for presents for my host family, my host family, it sounds weird. I am very happy that I have found one now. Because of this I bought a tapeline of which I will cut off one centimeter every day, it is a countdown to my arrival in the US. 

So, my job interview, I was very early so I sat on a bench, not in front of the building but 3 minutes away, and googled the company again so I was sure I still know everything and googled the guidelines for a job interview. Ten minutes before our scheduled meeting I went to the building but I was not sure if the building I thought is the building I was searching so I walked through the area and came to the conclusion it is the building. By then I had to be there so I hurried inside the building and searched for the company on the Board but it was not listed there but luckily I saw a sign with an arrow guiding the way so I found it only slightly too late. The men with whom I had the appointment was very nice. We grabbed something to drink and first he told me about the company and my tasks. Then I had to tell something about me very very shortly and that was it. I even told him that I will become an AuPair in Mid-October but he said that is okay. Long story short, I have the job!!! Yes. I start working next Monday!

USA

Hey guys,

I totally forgot to tell you of the events this weekend because I was so excited. I just wrote about me not knowing how my future looks like and that I am in contact with this great AuPair host family from Boston… I skyped with both host parents on Friday. The host dad is as nice as the host mum, they are both very funny and sympathetic. He asked me a few question (some were the same which the host mum had asked a week earlier but I tried to talk a lot and answer them honestly. We talked again for 40 minutes and honestly, it did not feel like such a long time! They wanted to meet my parents and I should meet their kids so we set up another talk for the next day. (My mum was more nervous than I). 

First, I talked with the boys, which are adorable by the way, and I barely understood a word because they talked so fast. Luckily the host mum repeated everything and assured me I should now worry much about it, their current AuPair had problems at the beginning as well. Then they talked to my parents who did not say much but they just kept talking. At the end they said they like me and if I want to be their AuPair. That was very surprising for me but without further thinking I said yes and I do not regret it! Guys, I have a match! I am so happy and cannot wait for my arrival in the US in 98 days!

Xoxo Becca

Summer

Okay first of all, I have write this post again because it just got deleted. Damn it.

I think I will die of boredom soon. Everyone has something to do except for me. My little cousin is in Croatia, my oldest cousin went to the North Sea with a couple of friends, even my sister will travel to Denmark with the Girl Scouts and my parents will spend a week in Vienna. The only one who stays at home for two weeks is me. I think my mum would pay a short trip somewhere but I do not want to be dependent on my parents and their money. Moreover they do not have much money either otherwise they would go to the Carribbean for holiday. My mum puts aside a lot of money so she has money she can spend on things for my sister and me. I do not want that my mum almost buys nothing for her so she has enough money for us. It is just not right. My sister has a different opinion she wants and wants and wants new things.

I think I hit the bottom now. I just had to file unemployment not because of the money but so my parents get child support and I stay social secured. I searched for a job for weeks now, effortlessly. They all think I will quit in October because they assume I will start studying then – wrong. I still do not know WHAT to study and there are only a few days left (until July 15) to apply for a place at the university but I still do not know what I want (and you all know how bad I am at making decisions). Eventually I will have no job nor a place at the university. I am such a loser. I do not know how to spend my days. Since I have no school anymore (which is since May 12) my days are all the same, I get up very early because I hate to sleep in late (I always feel like I miss half the day), prepare breakfast, go running, then I surf in the Internet (lately looking for jobs), talk to my mum, sleep, prepare and eat dinner, watch TV although it does not interest me, sleep, all in all, I wait that anther day passes. I hate running but it is my only task and I cannot quit it! I always get the best ideas and thoughts during I run. Actually, I just came back from it although it is more than 35 degrees outside but I have to fill the 24 hours of the day somehow!

Two weeks ago was my graduation. I hated it. It was very hot and I was not very eager to see all the people who are so good at ignoring me. Our teachers held a lot of speeches with the messages: “What you achieved is fantastic, you can be so proud!” “The world is now open and you can do what you want!” “Nothing can stop you” “Your life just begins” “School was easy, everything gets harder now” and so on and on. I was not very encouraging. This are just phrases everyone says but one cannot take serious. Only the very good and very engaged students got honored so for the Reston us it was very boring. Surprisingly I had not the worst overall A-Level result although I never raised my hand which contributes 50% to the grade. I was not lazy, I was afraid that the other would laugh. I ruined my A-Levels by this. My mum (who was the only one who accompanied me) and I were glad when it was over.

A week later the horror started anew: the big ball (organized by the students to celebrate themselves and praise their teachers). This time my mum and dad came. The students sat on a gallery and the teachers and parents sat below us so they could not see us. I was worried about where to sit but like the week before I got invited to sit next to two classmates of mine, okay they ignored me the whole time but at least I had not had to worry about a place to sit. The celebration took 5 freaking hours, five!!! Can you believe it? It was extraordinary boring and I played with my cell phone. We were nine different classes and everyone had to produce a video to introduce their class. My crappy class decided to sing a song of praise for our tutor. I hated the idea, I mean I am scared to talk with them and especially in front of a lot of people and then more than 500 people should see me singing?! Because everyone had to sing a verse alone? I hate my class, I hate them so much! I did it of course but it was so embarrassing. Our video was by far the worst. After every video two of each class held a speech which summed up the last two years and praised their teacher. It was terrible not only because they lied like troopers but because they hardly tried to be funny but failed. During the videos there were performances by the year below us like dances and songs. Even two girls of my year sang a song but everyone (okay, not th teachers and parents) laughed about the because it sounded awful, Who recommended them to sing there? Of course had someone the glorious idea to make a father-daughter and mother-son dance. Fortunately I was able to convince my father that we do not participate. Somehow I think it is very embarrassing. There were even two breaks a 30 minutes which could have been omitted because the event took 5 and a half hours. Jesus! The only funny thing were the waiter. Two boys dropped literally everything and if one heard glass shattering on the staircase again one could easily guess whose fault it was! They even ruined some dresses and suits! Food was almost non-existent. Everyone got one tiny, tiny glass with either potato salad or meat. We were all starving!

Two days later was the After-show party to which I did not go. I have enough experiences of school parties to know that I would stand alone in a corner and wish that the party is soon over. Surprisingly one of my classmates, who refused to go as well, asked if we want to go to a restaurant instead and spend the evening together. Because I longed for distraction I said yes. We went to a restaurant which looked like a retirement home and the people who came there matched the impression. We decreases the average age from 90 to 80. But the food was delicious. I drove her home afterwards. It was her and her friend with whom I met to eat breakfast together a week before. We stayed in the cafe four hours and just talked (it did not feel like 4 hours the time just flew by). Afterwards we went to the city center to eat ice cream (well, I just watched them eating ice cream). I drove them both home there, too. I do not know why everything has to be about food not only then but at home as well. My mum knows barely another topic than food, what should she make for dinner, we should go to a restaurant again, could I bake a cake, could I buy buns for breakfast, she is so hungry what could she eat, do I want an ice cream? Ugh.

Now to the topic I think about the most: AuPair.
During my graduation my tutor (who has filled out my character reference) asked me if I could write her a post card when I am in the US. I had to tell her then that no host family wants me as an AuPair and she was shocked because she thought the Organisation just matches AuPair and host family. An classmate overheard the conversation and asked me if I want the telephone number of an acquaintance of her who knows a host family who is still searching an AuPair. I was happy for a new opportunity and said yes. I wrote her the same day. She told me about the host family from Philly with two girls. It sounded good until I heard that I had to change the Organisation to match with the family. The family was registered at Cultural Care AuPair (the Organisation I did not wanted to choose because it was the most expansive and the one with the worst critics) and I am registered at AIFS. Actually, I thought about changing the Organisation for a short time but I would have to fill out every form anew and request a new medical form and criminal record what would cost money again and in the end the family and I do not like each other and everything was for nothing. So I declined her offer. I gave up the idea of a year abroad.
Four days later a new host family emailed me that they are interested. I was very happy. Again four days later I skyped with the host mum, she is awesome. She is really sympathic and the family is everything I have always wished for. Okay there are three boys (I would prefer two but I will make it) and I can start not until Mid-October (I wanted to start by no later than the beginning of September so I could start studying the next year after I came back, but I have to admit I changed my availability time so my chances were higher to get a host family). Our skype interview was the longest, funniest and best I ever had, I tried to speak a lot. She said she really enjoyed talking to me and we skype again tomorrow, then with her husband too. Two days ago I skyped with their current AuPair (I was the only applicant who were able to do so, which is a good sign I think). I really hope it will work eventually!

So now to you dear Amy. It is thanks to you that I write this blog post. I doubt I am a good distraction because my life is really messed up (more than I let someone know) and boring but I m very honored that you like my blog because I just became a big fan of yours! (Guys, check it out, it is awesome!!!! –> My winged words ). We are more alike than one thinks. I am sorry that I cannot give you any tips about blogging because I do not have any rules. I just write about my day and what touches me, my thoughts and ideas, just like a diary. I hope that other people who are like me find comfort in it and does not feel alone. I wish you all the best and I wish I could tell you something which would help you but I am the last one who should give you any advises about overcoming an eating disorder. I really admire your bravery and honesty and cannot wait for a new post from you.

XOXO Becca