Inpatient

Only 19 days until the new American Football regular season starts!😍🎉 I am so excited! The first game I could watch in the US is one of the 7pm games on October 22 (week 7) but somehow I doubt my host family is an American Football fan – unfortunately. Maybe I get to know an other AuPair who likes Football as much as I do and ideally lives in Massachusetts too! I got my payment information for the AuPair programme and insurance fee and my mum still asks everyday if I am sure I want to do it. I am. I am really looking forward to it. It is not even a problem that I have to fly one day earlier than planned because of the AAA driver’s course! Although I start to doubt if I have matched with the right family… 

Mom

Originally I should have started working today but I am (still) without an occupation. My mom forbid me to start working in the company because I would make less money than a cleaning lady. Well, I planned to work to have something to do in the first place. Gaining money was just a very big positive side effect. I had to quit it, I already had the working contract. Sigh! I really liked what I would have done! Damn it!

Because I am serious about finding a place to work I wrote new applications straight away. I even got my first answer only one day later. He invited me to a personal talk two days later but only if I would work there for a longer time then. Okay, I lied and said I would like to startthe studying and stay in the area. But hey, I felt bad. My mom made me cancel it because she said the day the interview would have been was the only day we could go and have a breakfast together as a family like it used to be a tradition once every summer break. With family she meant her, my sister and me, not my father. She made me feel bad too and in addition to the bad feeling because I lied I canceled it. 

But now the thing which infuriates, yes present tense, the most: she told my uncle about Boston. Okay, that would not have been a problem in a normal family. So let me explain:

Short after I have matched with the super awesome host family in Boston my mum said she does not want my aunt and uncle to know it because they would not care about us anyway except for now when it seemed like I would go to the US. They would use this as an excuse to go to Boston too and would annoy not only me but my host family as well. Moreover, they would go there and would buy the flight as soon as they know while my mom could not afford visiting me there. Okay, I do not know why but I agreed with her and we did not tell anybody. A few days later I realised how ridiculous this is and that it isn’t true that my aunt does not care. She really supported not only my year abroad but everything I do (e.g. she was the one who got me the internship in England!). I really wanted to tell her although she was on vacation but told me to write if I hear anything from Boston before she drove. But my mom told me not to and I thought that she still needs time to accept it so I obeyed. When we visited my grandma and she asked if I got news from Boston my mom lied fastly before I could say anything and I did not disagree with her (big mistake). This was because she did not want my grandmother to tell my aunt about it. I was sick of all the lying so when we went to visit my other aunt I told her. I think my mom does not really like it but I told them everything about my host family and they seemed very happy. At that point my other aunt still did not know. A clever girl would have written her and told her everything but I thought they would be back the next day and then I could tell them in person. Unfortunately I haven’t seen them then. 

When my uncle, the one who has been on vacation, asked my mom yesterday if we have heard something from the host family she told him everything. When I asked her why she did it she asked if she should have lied. I told her that she lied to her mother but she did not care and could not understand why I was angry. First of all, I wanted to tell them, second, she did not wanted them to know in the first place and third, my aunt should have got to know it first, not her husband. So when my aunt came home, her husband told her everything and she stormed angrily into my room. Why I haven’t told her? Mhhh, why??? My sister then said that I wanted to tell them in person and my mom said that I am angry with her because she told my uncle. My aunt was very, very, very happy about the fact that I will stay in Boston one year but she and my uncle are mad that I haven’t told them. Great! My mom.thought that with this everything was fine but why has she told them that I am angry with her? Now it looks even more like I did not wanted them to know! She still does not get it and although I was angry with her, she is now angry with me and does not even talk with me anymore. Maybe because when she left the house this morning I called my grandma to tell her about Boston so it was me who told her and not my mom or my uncle, who was going to visit her today and would have told her about him being angry with me because of it for sure. I feel very bad for not letting them all know and decide myself what’s best. Why do I behave like an under-aged and do everything my mom tells me without thinking further about it! I am so dump!  Everyone hates me now!

I do not know if someone even understands what I am writing about but I have to write about it, I am  soooooooooo angry!

Job interview

Good morning,

I am currently on my way to a job interview. I have to spend the time somehow until my departure. 😉 My nervousness is not so much. Either it will work or not but I will make a new experience, I just hope I will not embarrass myself although, if I think about it now, I won’t see them again so What the heck! Anyway, it is not the perfect job and I would do it just until October, I think I will tell them about my year abroad which will be a big disadvantage of hiring me. 

Wish me luck that it is not that embarrassing! 

Xoxox Becca 😉 

P.S. Only 97 days until my arrival in New York!!!

USA

Hey guys,

I totally forgot to tell you of the events this weekend because I was so excited. I just wrote about me not knowing how my future looks like and that I am in contact with this great AuPair host family from Boston… I skyped with both host parents on Friday. The host dad is as nice as the host mum, they are both very funny and sympathetic. He asked me a few question (some were the same which the host mum had asked a week earlier but I tried to talk a lot and answer them honestly. We talked again for 40 minutes and honestly, it did not feel like such a long time! They wanted to meet my parents and I should meet their kids so we set up another talk for the next day. (My mum was more nervous than I). 

First, I talked with the boys, which are adorable by the way, and I barely understood a word because they talked so fast. Luckily the host mum repeated everything and assured me I should now worry much about it, their current AuPair had problems at the beginning as well. Then they talked to my parents who did not say much but they just kept talking. At the end they said they like me and if I want to be their AuPair. That was very surprising for me but without further thinking I said yes and I do not regret it! Guys, I have a match! I am so happy and cannot wait for my arrival in the US in 98 days!

Xoxo Becca

Nothing new

Hey guys,

It is a wonder that I haven’t died of boredom yet. I am sooooooo bored. I do not know what to do. I cannot search for a job because I do not know when (and if) I have to leave for the US. Oh, by the way, I have a new suggestion from a Swiss family from Boston with whom I have skyped yesterday. It was awkward and I doubt that they will pick me as their new AuPair. I do not believe that my AuPair year will happen so I am searching for an idea what subject I could study but it either sounds boring or has no future potential. That is so frustrating!

Moreover, I am really down, nothing makes fun anymore (not even reading) and I wish I could sleep the whole day. I thought being finish with school feels better. I wish I could be back at school! (I have never imagined saying this, oh god, it is worse than I thought).

I hope you feel better and have more fun.

Becca

Overwhelmed 

Guys, 

Only 100 days until the football season begins!!!😍

So now to what I actually wanted to say: I just cannot do anything anymore, not physically but mentally. Tomorrow is the first of my two oral exams for my A-Levels, tomorrow’s is math. It does not feel like a part of my A-Levels. Maybe because I haven’t had school since 18 days or because there is no one I can talk about it with. I just do not take it seriously not even one day before. It might be as well because regardless of how many points I get (I only need one to pass my A-Levels) my average is shitty. So I can be very relaxed because the teachers tend to give at least one point although I am certain my math teacher hates me. He will probably take a topic for tomorrow’s exam in which I am very bad. Anyway, it’s math, I will be satisfied if I get at least five points everything above would be a dream. The problem is I just cannot remember everything of the last two years! Especially not in math! 

Furthermore, my cat is very ill. She has barely moved and eaten since Sunday and only drank a bit this morning. I was not sure but when I touched she felt like she has temperature . So I went with her to the vet – only one day before my important exam. And I was right, she has 40C temperature! So she got a vitamin cure, antibiotics and an infusion. We got protein and Vitamine food and a painkiller for at home. All in all it costed 100€. Wow, I am totally broke now, although I babysitted twice this weekend. 

In addition to that, the fact that no host family was interested in me for more than one week and that there were only 5 ones overall in more than 4 weeks burns me out. My friend who is visible for host families for two weeks now has as much family suggestions as I. That’s frustrating. I get already used to the idea to stay in Germany. Now that I am finally aware of what I want it does not work out. At least I do not have to blame myself for taking so long until I was finally activated I did everything as fast as I could, even if I had wanted it since day 1 I would not have been visible for the host families any longer. I think most host families already found an AuPair and I am too late. I am still sad about not getting chosen by the host family from Texas. Now I do not know what to do if I cannot do my year abroad! There is only one month left until my preffered departure date. Weird. 
Well, first I have to pass my A-Levels now and then I can worry about my year abroad. Maybe a new family suggestion would distract me tomorrow anyway.

Waiting

The waiting for new email kills me. I want to do this, I want to be an AuPair. My life is so boring I want to experience something, to go on an adventure! One year can be very long, my A-Levels were bad, maybe I should do the year again and I am a bit afraid to come back when my time in the US was awesome! But I have to leave, I cannot stand my family anymore. I know, at first I was afraid to get an Email and I think this ruined my possible match with the host family from Texas but I think this host family interview with the Texan family woke me up and made me realise I want this! I know, my mum is still against the idea but she asks everyday if a new family is interested. Now that I turned down the host family from California with whom I Skyped two days ago (I just did not feel comfortable but they answered that they feel similarly, dumbasses) I have no interested families again. That is very frustrating, especially if my friend who was approved to be seen by the host family three weeks later than I had already four suggestions and is in contact with a family who she really likes and who likes her back so they are probably going to match. AM I THIS BAD?! I want a family now so I can get the visa. This takes at least four weeks and I wanted to depart in July! I think now that I know what I  want the Au Pair thing is not going to happen because I won’t find a fitting host family…

P.S. Check out my new blog especially for my year abroad!