Extension?

Hi guys,

I know you haven’t heard from me for a while, I have been busy the past few weeks. everything started with my trip to DC at the end of May. But I want to tell you about that in a different post.
I want to write about my difficulty to decide if I want to extend or not here. Continue reading “Extension?”

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Decisions, decisions

Reading my title, I have to think of the blue bunny ads thanks to watching too much Chasing life (which takes place in Boston!!!) on freeform!

What I actually wanted to tell you is I am in the US for almost seven months now that means I get the email from Au Pair in America concerning my potential extension this month.
I am quite sure I have told you before how hard it is for me to make up my mind… I have thought about extending even before I arrived, almost every day.

Before I came here I was quite sure I would extend.

Continue reading “Decisions, decisions”

Home

Hey guys,
I finally back. My adventure in the US continues. I had interesting last few months, where I put my finger in an immersion blender, had my first car accident, still have zero friends, have been to five different states, celebrated my first christmas and new years without my family, had an American thanksgiving, went to New York City to admire the christmas decorations, am going to an US-college, had a sleepover at a museum, watched the SuperBowl in the US (my host familiy’s favorite team won, my hostdad and my oldest host kid even flew to Minneapolis),  was skiing the first time after seven years, was snowtubing, made harbor cruise, baked a lot and am still not missing home.

So first of all, my finger is fine, it was on Patriot’s day and the boys had no school so in the afternoon we decided to make three different dishes, we, well more I finished the dessert, Banana split pie and we moved on to the next thing, carrot chickpea snacks. My oldest one does not like chickpeas so after succesfully mashing the chickpeas we decided to mash black beans. Black beans are much more solid than chickpeas so I decided to use the immersion blender to shred it. It worked out well, I was afraid the boys would get hurt so I told them to stay back and did it myself. After unplugging it i wanted to clean it, I even had to think about my mum and if it would be one of her stories I would cut off my finger now. Suddenly the immersion blender started and my finger was caught inside the blade. I was so shocked I just cried out once and told the boys to stay away. It started bleeding heavily right away and i tried to remove the blade from my finger. That was the moment I saw I did not unplugg the immersion blender but the mixer next to it. Damn!!! It hurted so bad and I clutched my finger and squeezed it as hard as i could to make it numb and stop the bleeding. I rushed to the bathroom to let cold water run over it. It was bleeding so much I bleed like a pig and left stains everywhere regardless of the mess I made when my finger was caught in the blender, I threw everything sitting on the counter down on the floor. To avoid the boys seeing me crying I send them away to have screentime while I panicked and started crying and wished my mum would be here because she knows what to do. So I paced through the house, crying, unable to watch how much of my finger I had cut off, hoping my host mum would come home. Unfortunately it was just after 3 and she would not be home for the next three hours. I was weighing the pros and cons of calling 911. I was worried about the boys, what would happen with them, what about my insurance etc, so I decided I had to look at it and see how bad it was but I just couldnt because I was so afraid to see how bad it really was because I knew my finger was still there but was it hanging at a string? After wandering through the house for 70 minutes I decided to look at it. I was a little bit dissapointed that the boys never looked for me but it was probably better. So when I lessened the pressure around my finger it started bleeding profusely again. I let water running over it now without my other hand protecting it so it washed up the fresh blood and i could finally see it, it was actually better than i imagined, I had cut it right where the finger nail started and even the finger nail was cut in half until the middle of the nail. I was just worried because it did not stop bleeding. I called my mum but she did not pick up so I called my sister, guys, I was desperate, I had to talk to someone! She was no big help because she was so engaged in her computer game. Well I just told her everything anyway and she told me mum was working. Because she did not listen anyways our call ended after 10 minutes and I started cleaning up the kitchen. I hoped I could clean up most of it before my host parents would come home, it was already a little after five. But I was not lucky this day, my host mum came approx. 5 minutes after I had started cleaning up, she said it looks like we were very busy and when she saw the blood I told her what has happended  but that I was fine. She asked if i would have to go to the hospital but I said no. So she continued working from home and I had to clean up the kitchen but I ended up talking to my mum because I had wrote her some messages which were stuff like ‘Do not worry, I did not die’ because I was frustrated when I haven’t been able to reach her. She was shocked and wanted to know everything in detail and i had to send her tons of pictures. She was worried but I tried to calm her down. When my host dad came home he was very worried and wanted to see it right away but we were about to have dinner so I did not want to ruin that and my host mum said I am old enough he does not need to check on me. Thanks! I was actually really relieved to show it to someone who was not thousands of miles away. After dinner i showed it to him and he said it is sketchy and I should decide if I wanna go to the ER he would drive me there. He has been there often because he had a lot of injuries already. But I refused his offer. My host mum gave me an antibiotic ointment which I applied and put an band aid on.
Now my finger is healed without seeing an doctor. My finger tip is numb and the part where the cut is is very sensitive, even the slightest touches hurt. My fingernail is split and started to protrude so I had to cut off these part and now I have a hole in my nail.

I am telling you more about the other events the next time.

What I wanted to write about was home. I got a 5 year journal at the beginning of the year, where you have to answer a question every day and they repeat every year for five years. It currently asked me what home is and I wrote that I refer to my living place in Germany as home as well as to my host parents house. At first I tried to not refer to the house in the US as home when I talked to my mum but that is ridicioulus, I was searching for a second family, although I doubt I found it. Today I realised I have no real home where I am feeling 100% comfortable. Alone the thought of returning to Germany scares me. Everything seems so small, boring and predetermined while I am free here. I can’t return, but should I extend? It is not as good as I imagined and most of the times it is awkward with my host parents. This question stressed me out so much, I knew already after a few weeks I would extend for nine more months but with the same family? The area is great, I kind of like the boys, they are so cute and well mannered and if I would leave them for another family I would definitly throw away even the slightest chance to see them as a second family and stay in contact. But maybe I would find a better family somewhere else! Ahhhhh! So I recently decided to wait what they would do, if they ask me to stay longer I would although I am not so sure, looking at my work, I wouldnt ask me… Well, to make it even harder, my mum suggested I should go to New Zealand as an Au Pair after my year here. I have no idea how she came up with this idea. She always tells me how much she misses me and she can’t wait until I come home and then she wants me to leave again? Why? She said I should think about it. I already did some research. I am not sure. I kind of like the idea but it feels like I will never accomplish something. I will start studying 3 years after graduation. My fellow students will be 3 years younger than me! I kind of like the thought to extend for 6 months AND go to New Zealand but my mum will hate this idea but I should make my own decisions! I mean it was her idea with New Zealand! But I do not want to break my mum’s heart! Oh man, what should I do? Moreover, I miss my cat Frau Schröder so much (she is actually the only living being I miss) and what would it do to her if I would leave her again? I would miss 2 years of her life!

Do not get me wrong, I love Germany. Staying in the US made me even realise how much! I just can’t bear the thought of returning home to my family in my small home town with no clue what to do in my future. I would not like to stay here permanently, Germany is too cool but I living somewhere else. When I don’t do it know I never will! And it is always just for a short amount of time and not for forever.

Btw, I am so proud of Germany leading the Olympic medal table. I even betted with my host dad that Germany would get more gold medals than the US, we did it already 2006 and 2010. Come on Germany!

das-deutsche-olympia-team-steht-im-aktuellen-medaillenspiegel-auf-dem-ersten-platz-

Overwhelmed 

Guys, 

Only 100 days until the football season begins!!!😍

So now to what I actually wanted to say: I just cannot do anything anymore, not physically but mentally. Tomorrow is the first of my two oral exams for my A-Levels, tomorrow’s is math. It does not feel like a part of my A-Levels. Maybe because I haven’t had school since 18 days or because there is no one I can talk about it with. I just do not take it seriously not even one day before. It might be as well because regardless of how many points I get (I only need one to pass my A-Levels) my average is shitty. So I can be very relaxed because the teachers tend to give at least one point although I am certain my math teacher hates me. He will probably take a topic for tomorrow’s exam in which I am very bad. Anyway, it’s math, I will be satisfied if I get at least five points everything above would be a dream. The problem is I just cannot remember everything of the last two years! Especially not in math! 

Furthermore, my cat is very ill. She has barely moved and eaten since Sunday and only drank a bit this morning. I was not sure but when I touched she felt like she has temperature . So I went with her to the vet – only one day before my important exam. And I was right, she has 40C temperature! So she got a vitamin cure, antibiotics and an infusion. We got protein and Vitamine food and a painkiller for at home. All in all it costed 100€. Wow, I am totally broke now, although I babysitted twice this weekend. 

In addition to that, the fact that no host family was interested in me for more than one week and that there were only 5 ones overall in more than 4 weeks burns me out. My friend who is visible for host families for two weeks now has as much family suggestions as I. That’s frustrating. I get already used to the idea to stay in Germany. Now that I am finally aware of what I want it does not work out. At least I do not have to blame myself for taking so long until I was finally activated I did everything as fast as I could, even if I had wanted it since day 1 I would not have been visible for the host families any longer. I think most host families already found an AuPair and I am too late. I am still sad about not getting chosen by the host family from Texas. Now I do not know what to do if I cannot do my year abroad! There is only one month left until my preffered departure date. Weird. 
Well, first I have to pass my A-Levels now and then I can worry about my year abroad. Maybe a new family suggestion would distract me tomorrow anyway.

Spring break!!!

Well, no we are in Germany so Spring Break is no big thing here. A lot of my class mates go on holidays for example to Italy, Austria or South Africa. But I stay at home. I can start learning for the oral part of my A-Levels which take place at the end of May. What I surely do is going to the vet with Frau Schröder on Monday. Moreover I asked Jaqueline and a friend from primary school if we can meet. We have no date yet. I really want to binge watch Prison  Break. I started watching it 1 month ago. I am currently in the middle of season 3. I LOVE IT. IT IS MY NEW FAVORITE TV SERIES. I cannot believe it is 10 years old. I was 8 when it aired on TV. Weird. I really like Wentworth Miller and Sarah Wayne Callies. They have a great chemistry. I think the first season was the best one. Okay the second one was only slightly worse but I really dislike Season 3. I do not know why. I think it is weird and I do not think that Bellick’s development is realistic. I do not want to spoiler much. I did not start the show because I heard there will be a fifth season but because we got Amazon Prime and there are not many movies and series I am interested in which you could watch for free. Believe me or not it was coincidence. Since then I am totally addicted and tried to watch two episodes a day but when the A-Levels started I missed that goal more often. Originally I planned to finish the series around the 8th April because then the new episodes air on German TV but when I want to accomplish that I have to increase the number of episodes per day. I do not like the idea because I want to enjoy the show as long as possible so I am not able to watch the new episodes on TV. Maybe I am buying the DVD later. 

Have a nice day. It is going to be 25 C today so I am going to spend my time outdoors today.

XOXO Becca❤

New Year

Hey,

I hope you all came good into the new year and I really thank you for giving me your attention in the new year!♥
Maybe you remember that I told you that I want to see the ball drop in New York City but I did not wake up. This year I made it! Perhaps because I went to bed at 2:30am and not at 4am like last year. 

I went to my parents but I just sat there and read. My grandmother came over 15 minutes before midnight. This New Year’s Eve was weird. We just talked and almost missed midnight. We drank champagne and my dad said it. He really did but I told him he can save that and guess what, he was offended. He has not talked to me anymore. That was okay. My grandmother left almost immediatly after midnight and my mum went to bed as fast as she could (it was 1:15am). My cat went crazy. She was really scared. Originally she went upstairs into her bed but she came down when the fireworks started and hid under the christmas tree. I think she was glad that I came to calm her down because she emerged from the tree straight away and I gave her a cuddle until the fireworks ended which was approx. a quarter to 1. She shivered with fear and had really big eyes. If it had not been so scary for her it would have been really cute.
My grandfather phoned and wished us a good new year. We talked a bit and he said he wants me to come this year. I do not see him often, once in a few years but I do not know what to do or talk about with him. So I do not think I am going to visit him this year. Moreover, he is living at the other side of Germany. Well, after my mum went to bed I went upstairs too because my dad ignored me and I watched TV a bit. You probably still know that I like to watch other countries celebrate new year what I did this time as well. I have a few photos for you! 😉

Today was not very special. I learned for my A-Levels when I remembered that I have to do a presentation in computer science after winter break what I have to do, too. Great! I do not even get the topic! Whatever! I will drop it anyway.

At the moment I am watching New York Giants against Washington Redskins. Have you seen that the Vikings won? I know they did not make it into the playoffs but I was happy after all.

When I sat on the couch cuddling my cat I convinced myself that 2017 is going to be MY year. I do not why I am persuaded about it but I suddenly had the feeling yesterday. I hope that it will come true…

Hope you have a nice sunday.
Becca♥

P.S. Jaqueline did not come over, she wrote me already an hour before that she is really tired and almost falls asleep. I was tired as well so i could bear it.

Me, again

And hi there, a third time.
I just wanted to inform you my cat is back.
I am still bored although I just found out that the song “Nehmt Abschied Brüder”, which I learned at school, is the English song “Old lang syne”, which is a New Year’s Eve song. Why I write about it? Lea Michele sang the song at the end of New Year’s Eve and I was sure that I know the melody and even remembered the lines: “Die Zukunft liegt in Finsternis und macht das Herz uns schwer” and I googled it and bam there it was. Bam. Okay, I do not know what else I can write. By the way, we do not have firework this year. I hate New Year’s Eve, my sis is not there, my mum wants to go to bed after midnight asap and my dad says he only does it for us but I think he just do not want to be the only one who watches it… Yup. So again, Happy New Year, especially for Greece, Egypt and all other countries in this time zone.
We are next guys. I think I am going to my parents now and I am hungry, who wants to start in a new year hungry? Oh I hear now Hong Kong sang Old lang syne when they welcomed 2017.
CU next year!

Becca♥