Summer

Okay first of all, I have write this post again because it just got deleted. Damn it.

I think I will die of boredom soon. Everyone has something to do except for me. My little cousin is in Croatia, my oldest cousin went to the North Sea with a couple of friends, even my sister will travel to Denmark with the Girl Scouts and my parents will spend a week in Vienna. The only one who stays at home for two weeks is me. I think my mum would pay a short trip somewhere but I do not want to be dependent on my parents and their money. Moreover they do not have much money either otherwise they would go to the Carribbean for holiday. My mum puts aside a lot of money so she has money she can spend on things for my sister and me. I do not want that my mum almost buys nothing for her so she has enough money for us. It is just not right. My sister has a different opinion she wants and wants and wants new things.

I think I hit the bottom now. I just had to file unemployment not because of the money but so my parents get child support and I stay social secured. I searched for a job for weeks now, effortlessly. They all think I will quit in October because they assume I will start studying then – wrong. I still do not know WHAT to study and there are only a few days left (until July 15) to apply for a place at the university but I still do not know what I want (and you all know how bad I am at making decisions). Eventually I will have no job nor a place at the university. I am such a loser. I do not know how to spend my days. Since I have no school anymore (which is since May 12) my days are all the same, I get up very early because I hate to sleep in late (I always feel like I miss half the day), prepare breakfast, go running, then I surf in the Internet (lately looking for jobs), talk to my mum, sleep, prepare and eat dinner, watch TV although it does not interest me, sleep, all in all, I wait that anther day passes. I hate running but it is my only task and I cannot quit it! I always get the best ideas and thoughts during I run. Actually, I just came back from it although it is more than 35 degrees outside but I have to fill the 24 hours of the day somehow!

Two weeks ago was my graduation. I hated it. It was very hot and I was not very eager to see all the people who are so good at ignoring me. Our teachers held a lot of speeches with the messages: “What you achieved is fantastic, you can be so proud!” “The world is now open and you can do what you want!” “Nothing can stop you” “Your life just begins” “School was easy, everything gets harder now” and so on and on. I was not very encouraging. This are just phrases everyone says but one cannot take serious. Only the very good and very engaged students got honored so for the Reston us it was very boring. Surprisingly I had not the worst overall A-Level result although I never raised my hand which contributes 50% to the grade. I was not lazy, I was afraid that the other would laugh. I ruined my A-Levels by this. My mum (who was the only one who accompanied me) and I were glad when it was over.

A week later the horror started anew: the big ball (organized by the students to celebrate themselves and praise their teachers). This time my mum and dad came. The students sat on a gallery and the teachers and parents sat below us so they could not see us. I was worried about where to sit but like the week before I got invited to sit next to two classmates of mine, okay they ignored me the whole time but at least I had not had to worry about a place to sit. The celebration took 5 freaking hours, five!!! Can you believe it? It was extraordinary boring and I played with my cell phone. We were nine different classes and everyone had to produce a video to introduce their class. My crappy class decided to sing a song of praise for our tutor. I hated the idea, I mean I am scared to talk with them and especially in front of a lot of people and then more than 500 people should see me singing?! Because everyone had to sing a verse alone? I hate my class, I hate them so much! I did it of course but it was so embarrassing. Our video was by far the worst. After every video two of each class held a speech which summed up the last two years and praised their teacher. It was terrible not only because they lied like troopers but because they hardly tried to be funny but failed. During the videos there were performances by the year below us like dances and songs. Even two girls of my year sang a song but everyone (okay, not th teachers and parents) laughed about the because it sounded awful, Who recommended them to sing there? Of course had someone the glorious idea to make a father-daughter and mother-son dance. Fortunately I was able to convince my father that we do not participate. Somehow I think it is very embarrassing. There were even two breaks a 30 minutes which could have been omitted because the event took 5 and a half hours. Jesus! The only funny thing were the waiter. Two boys dropped literally everything and if one heard glass shattering on the staircase again one could easily guess whose fault it was! They even ruined some dresses and suits! Food was almost non-existent. Everyone got one tiny, tiny glass with either potato salad or meat. We were all starving!

Two days later was the After-show party to which I did not go. I have enough experiences of school parties to know that I would stand alone in a corner and wish that the party is soon over. Surprisingly one of my classmates, who refused to go as well, asked if we want to go to a restaurant instead and spend the evening together. Because I longed for distraction I said yes. We went to a restaurant which looked like a retirement home and the people who came there matched the impression. We decreases the average age from 90 to 80. But the food was delicious. I drove her home afterwards. It was her and her friend with whom I met to eat breakfast together a week before. We stayed in the cafe four hours and just talked (it did not feel like 4 hours the time just flew by). Afterwards we went to the city center to eat ice cream (well, I just watched them eating ice cream). I drove them both home there, too. I do not know why everything has to be about food not only then but at home as well. My mum knows barely another topic than food, what should she make for dinner, we should go to a restaurant again, could I bake a cake, could I buy buns for breakfast, she is so hungry what could she eat, do I want an ice cream? Ugh.

Now to the topic I think about the most: AuPair.
During my graduation my tutor (who has filled out my character reference) asked me if I could write her a post card when I am in the US. I had to tell her then that no host family wants me as an AuPair and she was shocked because she thought the Organisation just matches AuPair and host family. An classmate overheard the conversation and asked me if I want the telephone number of an acquaintance of her who knows a host family who is still searching an AuPair. I was happy for a new opportunity and said yes. I wrote her the same day. She told me about the host family from Philly with two girls. It sounded good until I heard that I had to change the Organisation to match with the family. The family was registered at Cultural Care AuPair (the Organisation I did not wanted to choose because it was the most expansive and the one with the worst critics) and I am registered at AIFS. Actually, I thought about changing the Organisation for a short time but I would have to fill out every form anew and request a new medical form and criminal record what would cost money again and in the end the family and I do not like each other and everything was for nothing. So I declined her offer. I gave up the idea of a year abroad.
Four days later a new host family emailed me that they are interested. I was very happy. Again four days later I skyped with the host mum, she is awesome. She is really sympathic and the family is everything I have always wished for. Okay there are three boys (I would prefer two but I will make it) and I can start not until Mid-October (I wanted to start by no later than the beginning of September so I could start studying the next year after I came back, but I have to admit I changed my availability time so my chances were higher to get a host family). Our skype interview was the longest, funniest and best I ever had, I tried to speak a lot. She said she really enjoyed talking to me and we skype again tomorrow, then with her husband too. Two days ago I skyped with their current AuPair (I was the only applicant who were able to do so, which is a good sign I think). I really hope it will work eventually!

So now to you dear Amy. It is thanks to you that I write this blog post. I doubt I am a good distraction because my life is really messed up (more than I let someone know) and boring but I m very honored that you like my blog because I just became a big fan of yours! (Guys, check it out, it is awesome!!!! –> My winged words ). We are more alike than one thinks. I am sorry that I cannot give you any tips about blogging because I do not have any rules. I just write about my day and what touches me, my thoughts and ideas, just like a diary. I hope that other people who are like me find comfort in it and does not feel alone. I wish you all the best and I wish I could tell you something which would help you but I am the last one who should give you any advises about overcoming an eating disorder. I really admire your bravery and honesty and cannot wait for a new post from you.

XOXO Becca

Sad

Hey,

I am really melancholic lately. Probably because school time ends in a few days. I was rather sad than relieved after I had written my last exam. Do not ask me why. I couldn’t stop some tears yesterday when my R.E. teacher said goodbye to.us and that we are nice human beings and she really overspending time with us. I do not want school to end. I still do not know what to do afterwards. On Monday I got accepted as an AuPair and I am officially searching for a host family now although I do not know whether I will go eventually. My mom does not like the idea and makes me uncertain. If one had asked me 3 months ago I would have been totally secure that I want to go to the US but now I am not so sure it is what I want. The problem is I do not know what I want. In addition to that I cannot abandon the idea of redoing this year. My math teacher just have me 3!!! points that is equal to an E. Son of a bitch! If he would have give me 4 instead of 1 point for my oral grade I would have gotten the 5 points I need. I mean, I do not disturb his lessons, always do my homework and work in class. 1 point is not fair! I hate him so much. Moreover, he said “Sorry, but I do not know how I can give you a better grade” Maybe my written A-Levels are crap and I have to redo this year anyway. I am very angry now. I would not go the math anymore if I haven’t do my oral A-Levels in math. 

However, have you seen the draft last night? It was my first draft. I wanted to watch it last year but I missed my clock and overslept all three nights. This year I went to bed early (11 pm) and got up again at 1:30 am. I prepared some food: bread, strawberries and yoghurt with raspberries. Luckily I had no school before 8:30 am so I was able to get some sleep after the draft ended at 6am. And tonight it continues!

Becca

Last day

Hey folks, what’s up?

Spring break is almost over but I am not sure if I should be happy or sad. It started great because on Monday last week I met an friend from primary school. I went to her house, where her boyfriend was, too, which I think was a bit disturbing but fortunately he left after a short time to go buying groceries. We have not seen us since December last year so it took us hours to catch up. Unfortunately her life as a mess as mine so we had a lot to talk about, especially our A-Levels. Her subjects are maths, art and German. We later went outside to enjoy the sun and continue talking. Her boyfriend came back but stayed inside. We talked about her grandfather dying a few weeks ago, her boyfriend (of course when he was away), school and that she fights a lot with her friends there, her mothers new husband (who is btw a jerk), her moving to her grandmother in summer break because she cannot bear her mother anymore, her plans after finishing school (she has no specific ones – maybe working), about the oral part of the A-Levelsand that we are not motivated to learn, that she is afraid that she totally messed up the A-Levels and we wallowed in memories. When her mum came home she made us come eating self made brownies. I got to know Naomi’s step dad Gordon, he asked how A-Levels went with me and I answered it was okay. He and Naomi’s mum started criticizing Naomi and me because A-Levels are totally easy and they passed it without effort. They then asked us questions like when did the first humans settle in the US (I knew that – 1619 in Jamestown), who / what is Othello (I have heard about it and know that it is written by Shakespeare but that’s it – it was not enough) why the most spoken language is English and not German ( I know this because my mum keeps telling me that but I have never heard of it in school) and other questions which were irrelevant for the A-Levels. Naomi and I could not answer much so they said we were dump and no wonder that we are not sure if we pass the A-Levels. I have never felt so dump! I can totally understand why Naomi wants to move, her mother was different when she was still single. 
The day after that my mum and I cleaned the terrace that means we have to clean the wooden floor by hand. We do it every year by scrubbing it with a dandy brush on our knees which takes a minimum of 3 hours. Well, we did it and afterwards everything hurt. I always feel like a sailor cleaning the floor of a ship. 
On Wednesday my mum and I went to the mall to buy a dress for the Abi Ball. 90 minutes and 20 dresses later I found one. I means it is not my dream dress but it looks good. Originally I did not want a blue dress because I am almost always wearing blue but the other colors looked really bad when I wore them so eventually I had to pick between two blue dresses, one was completely dark blue and high-necked. On the top were dark blue sequins, the other one was dark blue, too and had a silver belt and a heart-formed neckline, and a dark blue dress with a V-neckline and lace. I have not picked the one my mum preffered and the shop Assistent said I have picked the most teenage-locking one. I picked the dark blue one with the sequins.                         After buying it we split up and everyone had one hour on their own. I went to a multimedia shop, a grocery store, a decoration store and a book shop. In the end I bought two books and some fake flowers. When we met again we went on shopping for clothes. After 7 hours in the mall we returned home. To be honest, more often I see my dress the more I like it. 
The next days were boring, I was at home and enjoyed the time my sister was skiing with my uncle and his family. I read a lot and watched TV, I am almost through with Prison Break, I have to watch episode 1 of season 5 so I can watch the new episode tomorrow on Tv. I think they should not have make a new season, (!!! Spoiler alert !!! Because I liked that Michael died. Do not get me wrong, I really liked Michael and I have cried very much when I saw his gravestone and when he sacrificed himself for Sara and the Baby but I think it is awesome that there is no typical happy end! They are free but he is dead. It is typical for the show because often characters died one died not exscpected. ) I am curious how the new season is and I am going to watch the first episode in the evening. 

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Last weekend the weather was incredibly good so I sat outside the whole time and read. Silly me has not thought about sun protection so I had a bad sunburn afterwards. But it was okay. It was very hot. Unfortunately the weather worsened within the week and yesterday it rained a lot. Fortunately I was able and motivated to clean my car beforehand. It took me 3 hours to clean it up from the in- and outside. My mum and grandma watched me the whole time and gave unbelievable useful tips. During cleaning it my motivation said goodbye and I wanted to be finish asap but my perfection was in the way and so I cleaned it up very hearty. 
On Wednesday I went to the mall with Jaqueline. We have not seen us for a long time, too. I drove us (although I hate driving or at least I hate it when I am not alone) there. It went very well and there we rambled through the shops because we both did not have much many left. We went looking for dresses for Jaqueline for the AbiBall but she was not keen to try them on so we did not found one. We spend a lot of time in the book shop to discuss the books there which we have read and recommend them or not to each other. Eventually we left without buying one. After that we went to the decoration shop and I bought an angel figure for my mum(she loves them), a frame and a glass container. We went to Starbucks and while we drank our coffee we talked about, of course, our A-Levels, about redoing the school year (she is the only one who understands why I want to do it again), about her friends, the Parkplatzparty, Eastern, dresses, what to do after school and what to do after having no classes anymore in May. It was great to talk to her and I love meeting her. We should definitely meet more often. We went into some fashion shops but did not buy anything and after her buying some chocolate for her parents we left after 4 hours and drove home. 
Yesterday was boring, my mum went grocery shopping and I went with her. I remembered that I still have to write a poem for the poetry slam in German, make my presentation for English which I have to present on Tuesday and make my politics homework which I need on Tuesday as well. And this is excaxtly my plan for today in addition to reading and doing sports. The weather is good so I am probably going outside to do so. 

I hope you have a nice Friday! Becca XXX

Super Bowl 51

Good morning, I did the impossible. I stayed awake and watched the whole Super Bowl and it was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! Originally I wanted to watch the PreShow on ProSiebenMaxx from 20:15pm – 22:55pm but my mum sat alone on the couch and watched Kitchen Impossible, which I like to watch, too, and I felt bad for her being so alone so I watched it with her until 22:55 pm but then I went to my room because I was “sooooo tired”. I grabbed a Coke, some strawberries, some potato bread, chocolate and cookies and turned on my fairly lights and started watching the Super Bowl. I went to my room to watch the PreShow while Kitchen Impossible was interrupted because of advertisements. Later I was glad that I hadn’t watched it because some videos were repeated while they waited for the super Bowl so it was not bad but rather good that I have not seen the show. One of my favorite commentators was in Houston for the Super Bowl, the coach of the French National American Football Team, Patrick Esume. He is pretty cool and funny and almost all the time very euphoric. Commentating the game were Frank Buschmann, who I cannot stand anymore, he shouts the whole time and tries to be funny very hard, so I am not soooo sad that this was his last Super Bowl as commentator although the chemistry between him and Esume was great. Icke Domisch and the German NFL player Markus Kuhn were there as well although they both were quiet and almost said nothing.

It was very hard to not eat all the snacks before the game started at 00:30 am on Monday morning. Well like you know I rooted for the Patriots #GoPats and was almost 100% certain they are going to win. The first quarter was a bit disappointing because they made both no points, well, it was excited at least. When the Falcons made 21 points in the second quarter while the Pats only scored 3, I was not so convinced that New England will win anymore. 

During the second quarter my parents went to bed. Their bedroom is next to mine and the bathroom is opposite to my room. In addition to that, they always look after my sis and me, probably to check if we really are asleep. That was a dangerous situation. I had to turn off the TV for almost 20 minutes and had to follow the game through Social media. (For all my German speaking followers the link to my Twitter profile where I was busy with tweeting throughout the game) But there I had to be careful as well because they are able to see light shining under my door. Somehow I managed to not get caught (or at least I think so but I am not sure because my mum asked how Lady Gaga’s halftime show was at breakfast the next morning).

I cannot understand why everyone thinks Lady Gaga’s half-time show performance was unbelievable. Okay the jump from the roof was awesome and she sings good live but her performance was not that special. I have seen the one from Coldplay last year (yes, although I fell asleep some time during the second quarter) and their performance was amazing. #Sorrynotsorry I refilled my snacks and drinks, too, to be ready for the second half. 

The second half was spectacular and I could not believe that the Pats were able to come back after being down. I already thought about going to bed because I was almost totally sure that they couldn’t make it but gladly other than some others I did not quit watching because I still had the spectacular game Cowboys vs Packers in my mind and I thought the Super Bowl is something special I have to watch it until it is officially over. I am so glad that I watched it to the end although the next day, scratch that, the whole week was terrible because I was so unbelievably tired! 😉

Today, is gonna be the day…

Where the Pats will win their fifth Super Bowl!🎉😍🏈🏆 #Sorrynotsorry The Pats are my second favorite team after the Vikings. I am looking forward to the Super Bowl since a few weeks. Because of this I dedicated the whole day to it. You probably know that the Super Bowl starts at 22:55 pm German time which means I have to stay up very late although I have school tomorrow. Because of this I tried to sleep as long as possible today. Last year I fell asleep before the first half was over. 😩 To prevent that happening this year as well I want to take a nap in the afternoon, too. The second reason for it is that I do not want to be that tired in school tomorrow. So, I got up at 11:30am and ate a little breakfast, baked a cake as fast as I could. After this I went showering and now I am supposed to learn for my A-Level English exam but I cannot stop watching Football videos or read articles about the Super Bowl. I am curious about the Half time show by Lady Gaga. Unfortunately I missed the one by Coldplay, one of my favorite bands, last year! I am going to watch the PreSuperBowl show airing on ProSiebenMaxx at 20:15pm. Last year I tried to watch it in the live stream but our internet was too slow for it (yeah I had not had the programme at TV) but this year I have the programme and can watch it on TV. I cannot wait! I already have all the snacks and drinks I need for later. 

I think the Pats will win by a large margin. What do you think? 

P.S. My aunt asked how my AuPair application is going. I confessed that I have it up because I have not enough hours but she said that is a chance of a lifetime and I should do it. Deep inside I would love to do it but I am scared. It is such a long time! Although I dreamed the whole time that I will watch a NFL game live next year. I still do not know what to do. 

It’s too coooooooold outsiiiideee for angels to fly

I am so silly! Instead of going home and being in a  warm house I spent my time going to the supermarket to buy potato bread (I am addicted to it!) & strawberries. Buying it tomorrow would not have meant coming home later because I have a lot of time between school and tutoring where I can’t go home. But stupid Rebecca couldn’t wait and had to get it today, so she sits at the train station now and freezes her ass off. To top that she just sits there because she missed the earlier train by approximately one minute! One f***cking minute! If the women on the checkstand had hurried up a bit or if she had decided faster if she should take the Chinese vegetables as well or if she had run to the train station instead of walking fast she would have catches the train. Shoulda, coulda, woulda…

One year

Wow, guys, can you believe that one year has passed since my last post? I get really melancholic on New Year’s Eve (I hate it actually) and feel very lonely. Sorry for not posting I feel very bad although I even gained followers that way (Hi there, by the way). I cannot believe how fast the year flew by. It was not so bad actually.

  • I made my driver’s license at my first try. Applause please! Thank you.
  • I got 18, which was very boring. I wanted to throw a party but I only knew three people I could invite so it was just a normal day.
  • I did not repeat the school year so this is my last year (hopefully) and I am going to do my A-Levels next year!
  • I survived not only our class trip to Weimar but also to Greece (and it was not that bad). Maybe I post something about it later in a throwback post.
  • Well, I think I got more integrated at school, I mean I got invited to some parties and my seatmate and I get along very well. We have the same humor and we love to gossip about our teacher. I really like her although a lot of people do not.
  • I made a practical training at a kindergarten for my year abroad next year, which was really funny and changed my sight about working with kids. In the first place I never wanted to work with kids because of my horrible practical training in a kindergarten almost 3 years ago but the one in the fall break was really awesome and the kids were so nice I was really sad that it was over.
  • Nobody from my family died or was serious sick. (Thank God!)
  • My former best friend and I started meeting again.
  • I was at the best birthday party ever ( a few days ago). Ok, I know, I haven’t been to a lot of parties but this one was great. I met two of my friends from my old school, got to know their (really nice) friends, got drunk (2 beers, 1 Jägermeister, 1 wodka, 4 Kleine Feiglinge – it is schnaps, 1 Malibu and pineapple juice – drunk it the first time, it is soooooooo delicious!) but had no hangover and I did not something embarissing or threw up.

Ok, it was not very good either, it was ok.

  • My grades got worse. (Great!)
  • My family is a mess, the only thing we do is fighting!
  • I do not know if I can really do my year abroad because I do not have enough childcare experience because the kindergarten where I made the internship almost 3 years ago does not authenticate it.
  • My cat is almost the whole time sick and has to go to the doctor! (It is nothing serious, sometimes she does not eat anything anymore)
  • My new English teacher is crappy. She says my English is horrible. Ok she could be right but I always thought I am not that bad (she gave me 4 Points which means an E). Furthermore she does not teach us anything so we have to teach it ourselves for our A-Levels.
  • The relationship between my cousin and me worsened (unfortunately!) because I haven’t got much time to meet her lately.
  • The Minnesota Vikings are not in the playoffs. (Damn it!)

Nonetheless, I hope YOU had a great 2016 and that your 201 will be even more awesome.

What are your new year’s resolutions? I know mine was to publish more last year (and look how it went) and it is the same this time. Moreover I want to be better at school again and I want (the first time in my life) to put my hand up in school.  Isn’t it incredible how far I have come without raising my hand and just writing good exams, doing my homework and doing good presentations and group works? My grades were never awesome but ok. I never had to repeat a year.

My new year’s eve so far was ok. I got up very early so I was able to get the buns from the backery. After that I made noodle salad because my mum had to work and it has to rest before you can eat it. My dad and my sis are incapable of doing it so I was the only one left to do it otherwise we hadn’t got something for dinner today. After that I learnt for my A-Levels but not very long because I was not very motivated. Then I drove (by myself because I CAN!) to the supermarket to buy the last things for today. After that I just sat down reading and watching other countries (like Australia, who had already 2017 when it was 2pm here) celebrate the new year like I did last year although I was very dissapointed because there were not much celebrations who aired on TV here. Now I just sit here, write my blog entry and answer the WhatsApps from my friend Jaqueline. We both stay at home this year.
Originally I wanted to celebrate with a classmate but she decided to go to a party from another classmate of us to which I was not invited so I decided not to go because if she wanted me to come to her party she would have invited me. Jaqueline said that she perhaps comes over at midnight because she lives only a few minutes away. Let’s see but it would be awesome. I already chill the champagne!

Oh my mum calls, dinner is ready: sausage and noodle salad! (I do not like it very much)
I hope you have big fun celebrating and I wish you a happy new year.

P.S. The people in our neighborhood display their fireworks since midday today and I gets more and more. Why didn’t they wait until midnight?!

All the best, Becca ♥