I have no idea why I am so obsessed about the ESC this year. I mean I planned all my trips on the weekends before or after but I really wanted this weekend to be free. Okay, I think i know why the ESC means so much to me this year. It is my piece of Europe away from home. In a little bit more than 2 hours I am going to watch the livestream of the German Pre-ESC show and I am so scared that I will cry during the contest because I always watch it at home and this year I am at my other home and I have to watch it alone. I know, I always like watching it alone but I would love to introduce my host family to it but I am afraid they would see it as a waste of time.
On occasion of the ESC on saturday I want to post a throwback post about one of my favorite ESC of the last 10 years (that are the ones I can remember to have seen) everyday.
Because I already missed Sunday, Monday, Tuesday to give it to you later.
I am very excited and nervous right now because we are flying to Utah today. I know, we have already made trips to Maryland, Philadelphia and New Hampshire but we drove there by car and now we use an airplane! I have no idea how this will go. What documents do I need? To be on the safe side I will take all: my passport (of course), my ID, my visa, my DS2017. I can’t realize we go there. We will land in Salt Lake City but we will stay in Park City in an AirBnB. Our flight will go at 7:20pm so we still have plenty of time. My suitcase is packed since friday. It is the small hand luggage suitcase. It was hard to get everything in there although we just stay there until friday but it is ski stuff which is puffy! I can’t believe I got everything in there! But taking the big suitcase would be weird, it would be half empty probably and my hostfamily has the small bags and I use my huge suitcase? No thanks. I have no idea what to exspect. That will be my second night flight and the boys are already tired so they will probably sleep. My hostdad said I should exspect us to arrive at our AirBnB at 2am. Great. Tomorrow is no ski school so we can sleep in but it is on Tuesday and Wednesday and we will meet my hostdad’s cousin someday too. I am not nervous about meeting his family anymore. His family is very nice, I am just anxious about me having forgotten everything I learned about skiing six weeks ago. As long as I do not have to ski on intermediate slopes again I am good. We won’t just ski there, my hostmum really wants to see the hot springs so hopefully we can do that too.
Here it has snowed overnight and I am not sad we will miss the snow. I take my computer with me so I can stream the Olympics there too. Between Utah and Massachusetts is a time difference of two hours and it will take us around six hours to fly there. I am already curious next to whom I will sit. But back to the Olympics, so because of the time difference most of the events are in the evening and at night. Luckily I sleep on the sofa in the living room so I won’t disturb anyone watching it. I am still doing good on my bet although Norway just overtook the lead at the medal table. Nevertheless I am very satisfied with Germany’s performance especially with Eric Frenzel (who won already one gold medal and still has the chance for more) and with Andreas Wellinger in ski jumping, one of my favorite sports to watch, I couldn’t imagine doing it, jumping down a hill, it looks more like flying. He won one gold and one silver medal and he can get one more gold? tomorrow in the team competition. I HAVE to watch it hence my computer.
I am so nervous, I can’t wait to leave and I really do not know what to do until we leave for the airport.
I finally back. My adventure in the US continues. I had interesting last few months, where I put my finger in an immersion blender, had my first car accident, still have zero friends, have been to five different states, celebrated my first christmas and new years without my family, had an American thanksgiving, went to New York City to admire the christmas decorations, am going to an US-college, had a sleepover at a museum, watched the SuperBowl in the US (my host familiy’s favorite team won, my hostdad and my oldest host kid even flew to Minneapolis), was skiing the first time after seven years, was snowtubing, made harbor cruise, baked a lot and am still not missing home.
So first of all, my finger is fine, it was on Patriot’s day and the boys had no school so in the afternoon we decided to make three different dishes, we, well more I finished the dessert, Banana split pie and we moved on to the next thing, carrot chickpea snacks. My oldest one does not like chickpeas so after succesfully mashing the chickpeas we decided to mash black beans. Black beans are much more solid than chickpeas so I decided to use the immersion blender to shred it. It worked out well, I was afraid the boys would get hurt so I told them to stay back and did it myself. After unplugging it i wanted to clean it, I even had to think about my mum and if it would be one of her stories I would cut off my finger now. Suddenly the immersion blender started and my finger was caught inside the blade. I was so shocked I just cried out once and told the boys to stay away. It started bleeding heavily right away and i tried to remove the blade from my finger. That was the moment I saw I did not unplugg the immersion blender but the mixer next to it. Damn!!! It hurted so bad and I clutched my finger and squeezed it as hard as i could to make it numb and stop the bleeding. I rushed to the bathroom to let cold water run over it. It was bleeding so much I bleed like a pig and left stains everywhere regardless of the mess I made when my finger was caught in the blender, I threw everything sitting on the counter down on the floor. To avoid the boys seeing me crying I send them away to have screentime while I panicked and started crying and wished my mum would be here because she knows what to do. So I paced through the house, crying, unable to watch how much of my finger I had cut off, hoping my host mum would come home. Unfortunately it was just after 3 and she would not be home for the next three hours. I was weighing the pros and cons of calling 911. I was worried about the boys, what would happen with them, what about my insurance etc, so I decided I had to look at it and see how bad it was but I just couldnt because I was so afraid to see how bad it really was because I knew my finger was still there but was it hanging at a string? After wandering through the house for 70 minutes I decided to look at it. I was a little bit dissapointed that the boys never looked for me but it was probably better. So when I lessened the pressure around my finger it started bleeding profusely again. I let water running over it now without my other hand protecting it so it washed up the fresh blood and i could finally see it, it was actually better than i imagined, I had cut it right where the finger nail started and even the finger nail was cut in half until the middle of the nail. I was just worried because it did not stop bleeding. I called my mum but she did not pick up so I called my sister, guys, I was desperate, I had to talk to someone! She was no big help because she was so engaged in her computer game. Well I just told her everything anyway and she told me mum was working. Because she did not listen anyways our call ended after 10 minutes and I started cleaning up the kitchen. I hoped I could clean up most of it before my host parents would come home, it was already a little after five. But I was not lucky this day, my host mum came approx. 5 minutes after I had started cleaning up, she said it looks like we were very busy and when she saw the blood I told her what has happended but that I was fine. She asked if i would have to go to the hospital but I said no. So she continued working from home and I had to clean up the kitchen but I ended up talking to my mum because I had wrote her some messages which were stuff like ‘Do not worry, I did not die’ because I was frustrated when I haven’t been able to reach her. She was shocked and wanted to know everything in detail and i had to send her tons of pictures. She was worried but I tried to calm her down. When my host dad came home he was very worried and wanted to see it right away but we were about to have dinner so I did not want to ruin that and my host mum said I am old enough he does not need to check on me. Thanks! I was actually really relieved to show it to someone who was not thousands of miles away. After dinner i showed it to him and he said it is sketchy and I should decide if I wanna go to the ER he would drive me there. He has been there often because he had a lot of injuries already. But I refused his offer. My host mum gave me an antibiotic ointment which I applied and put an band aid on.
Now my finger is healed without seeing an doctor. My finger tip is numb and the part where the cut is is very sensitive, even the slightest touches hurt. My fingernail is split and started to protrude so I had to cut off these part and now I have a hole in my nail.
I am telling you more about the other events the next time.
What I wanted to write about was home. I got a 5 year journal at the beginning of the year, where you have to answer a question every day and they repeat every year for five years. It currently asked me what home is and I wrote that I refer to my living place in Germany as home as well as to my host parents house. At first I tried to not refer to the house in the US as home when I talked to my mum but that is ridicioulus, I was searching for a second family, although I doubt I found it. Today I realised I have no real home where I am feeling 100% comfortable. Alone the thought of returning to Germany scares me. Everything seems so small, boring and predetermined while I am free here. I can’t return, but should I extend? It is not as good as I imagined and most of the times it is awkward with my host parents. This question stressed me out so much, I knew already after a few weeks I would extend for nine more months but with the same family? The area is great, I kind of like the boys, they are so cute and well mannered and if I would leave them for another family I would definitly throw away even the slightest chance to see them as a second family and stay in contact. But maybe I would find a better family somewhere else! Ahhhhh! So I recently decided to wait what they would do, if they ask me to stay longer I would although I am not so sure, looking at my work, I wouldnt ask me… Well, to make it even harder, my mum suggested I should go to New Zealand as an Au Pair after my year here. I have no idea how she came up with this idea. She always tells me how much she misses me and she can’t wait until I come home and then she wants me to leave again? Why? She said I should think about it. I already did some research. I am not sure. I kind of like the idea but it feels like I will never accomplish something. I will start studying 3 years after graduation. My fellow students will be 3 years younger than me! I kind of like the thought to extend for 6 months AND go to New Zealand but my mum will hate this idea but I should make my own decisions! I mean it was her idea with New Zealand! But I do not want to break my mum’s heart! Oh man, what should I do? Moreover, I miss my cat Frau Schröder so much (she is actually the only living being I miss) and what would it do to her if I would leave her again? I would miss 2 years of her life!
Do not get me wrong, I love Germany. Staying in the US made me even realise how much! I just can’t bear the thought of returning home to my family in my small home town with no clue what to do in my future. I would not like to stay here permanently, Germany is too cool but I living somewhere else. When I don’t do it know I never will! And it is always just for a short amount of time and not for forever.
Btw, I am so proud of Germany leading the Olympic medal table. I even betted with my host dad that Germany would get more gold medals than the US, we did it already 2006 and 2010. Come on Germany!
The waiting for new email kills me. I want to do this, I want to be an AuPair. My life is so boring I want to experience something, to go on an adventure! One year can be very long, my A-Levels were bad, maybe I should do the year again and I am a bit afraid to come back when my time in the US was awesome! But I have to leave, I cannot stand my family anymore. I know, at first I was afraid to get an Email and I think this ruined my possible match with the host family from Texas but I think this host family interview with the Texan family woke me up and made me realise I want this! I know, my mum is still against the idea but she asks everyday if a new family is interested. Now that I turned down the host family from California with whom I Skyped two days ago (I just did not feel comfortable but they answered that they feel similarly, dumbasses) I have no interested families again. That is very frustrating, especially if my friend who was approved to be seen by the host family three weeks later than I had already four suggestions and is in contact with a family who she really likes and who likes her back so they are probably going to match. AM I THIS BAD?! I want a family now so I can get the visa. This takes at least four weeks and I wanted to depart in July! I think now that I know what I want the Au Pair thing is not going to happen because I won’t find a fitting host family…
P.S. Check out my new blog especially for my year abroad!
I am done with the written part of my A-Levels since 3 hours. I imagined it worse.
The first suggestion was a speech about the republic as state form from 1848. Task one was to summarize it and Task 2 to write about the different political meanings and the Vormärz from 1815 to 1848. The third task was to state if the excerpt from the speech that if the republic has to be forced onto the people it is no real republic anymore suits for the Weimarer Republik.
Suggestion B was a manifest by the Nationalkomitee Freies Deutschland which demanded that the people should put up resistance against Hitler. Task one was to summarize and Task two to explain the different forms, motivations and dangers of resistance. Eventually one had to discuss whether Germany was free in 1949.
Suggestion C was about the German reunification. First one had to summarize the letter from the UdSSR to Kohl. Second, one had to tell the circumstances of the reunification 1989/90 and third, one had to explain what it means that Germany has learned of the last 40 years.
I was not sure if I should pick A or B. When I have read A I was glad and really liked the third task. When I made some notes I could not remember what has happened after 1837. There was a blank space between 1837 and 1848. There has not happened anything relevant. I could have picked this suggestion but instead I took B. I have not learned the resistance in the Third Reich precisely but three years ago I made a presentation about Helmuth James Graf von Moltke and remembered a bit about him. Moreover I know a bit about Georg Elser, the Weiße Rose, Bonhoeffer and Claus Schenck Graf von Stauffenberg and made a lot of conclusions and maybe even weave some aspects. Hehe. To the last one I wrote about the state of occupation, the Marshall plan, the founding of the BRD and the DDR, the Grundgesetz, the monetary reform and Adenauers foreign politics. I think it was not so bad but I am mad at me that I have not chosen the first suggestion!
But guys it is over! Strangely, I am kind of sad that it is over now. We get holidays on Friday and then I have to start learning for my oral exams in Maths and Religious Education. I think R.E. won’t be a problem but maths…
Thank for your support!
I am still here, do not worry!
I do not know if I told you about my plan spending a year abroad as an Au Pair in the US this year after my A-Levels because you know that I always want to go to the US and that living in the US is a dream of me. My blog post about how badly I want to visit the US sometimes. I was so confident about the idea that I never thought it would fail. To be an Au Pair you need at least 200 hours of childcare experience which I have with my two internships in kindergarten. The problem is that it must not be older than 3 years and one of it was in January 2014 and with that 3 years ago. I hoped it would still count but my interviewer told me yesterday after I did all the things which were needed ( a medical form completed by a doctor – I even had to be x-rayed -, a character reference, two childcare references – I crazed the kindergarten because I wanted them to hurry because I knew it would become tight, so I even sent my aunt there because she said they should not be the reason why I am not able to do it. But they were not fast enough. -, a lot of copies of official documents like my passport, a criminal record and the thing which was extremly time-consuming and which made a great effort was the application video which was very hard to film and cut and edit. I am very disappointed and there is no chance how I can get to missing hours especially not a few weeks before my A-Levels! I want to concentrate on good A-Level results rather than on desperatly trying to make my year abroad become reality. I mean I was never so sure about it because it would be a long time I would not be at home. Although I think it would have been a great distraction from home.
Okay, I have cried for a short time when I read the message but now everything is fine. I still have not told it anybody.
The good thing is there is still something I can work for: a journey to the US although I am not sure I want to be there when Trump is president. Well, then I have to wait four more years but that is not much regarding the time I have dreamed about it already!
In the meantime I am going to be a student, the only problem is I have no clue what I want to do later and with that I do not know what to study! Because of this the year abroad would have been a great chance to think about it.
Have a nice weekend.