Airport

Good morning,

I am currently sitting in the airplane. We are standing on the airfield for almost one and a half hours now because of the mist. 

The day began already excellent. When I checked in and gave away my suitcase it was too heavy (only one kg above the maximum weight) and I had to take something out, in the end it was my winter jacket. I wear two jackets now although it will be 26 C in New York. Awesome! I was so furious I started to cry. 

We met my aunt, my uncle and my cousin and walked to the passport check together. In front of it we waited for one hour and talked. My cousin has made me a little book, which is very cute.

Before the Passport check I had to say goodbye to my family. My sister and father were totally cool but my mother cried the whole time. I thought I would cry too because I have started crying the days before when my mum cried and even cried when my little cousin cried because I would leave. But now I was very cool. Maybe because I am so excited and can’t wait to get there. My dream comes true. I am so happy! The last days I looked full of joy towards my departure and only felt bad when my mum started crying but all in all I am very happy. 

Oh we start moving so I turn on the flight mode now. See you! 

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Sad

Hey,

I am really melancholic lately. Probably because school time ends in a few days. I was rather sad than relieved after I had written my last exam. Do not ask me why. I couldn’t stop some tears yesterday when my R.E. teacher said goodbye to.us and that we are nice human beings and she really overspending time with us. I do not want school to end. I still do not know what to do afterwards. On Monday I got accepted as an AuPair and I am officially searching for a host family now although I do not know whether I will go eventually. My mom does not like the idea and makes me uncertain. If one had asked me 3 months ago I would have been totally secure that I want to go to the US but now I am not so sure it is what I want. The problem is I do not know what I want. In addition to that I cannot abandon the idea of redoing this year. My math teacher just have me 3!!! points that is equal to an E. Son of a bitch! If he would have give me 4 instead of 1 point for my oral grade I would have gotten the 5 points I need. I mean, I do not disturb his lessons, always do my homework and work in class. 1 point is not fair! I hate him so much. Moreover, he said “Sorry, but I do not know how I can give you a better grade” Maybe my written A-Levels are crap and I have to redo this year anyway. I am very angry now. I would not go the math anymore if I haven’t do my oral A-Levels in math. 

However, have you seen the draft last night? It was my first draft. I wanted to watch it last year but I missed my clock and overslept all three nights. This year I went to bed early (11 pm) and got up again at 1:30 am. I prepared some food: bread, strawberries and yoghurt with raspberries. Luckily I had no school before 8:30 am so I was able to get some sleep after the draft ended at 6am. And tonight it continues!

Becca

Empty brain

I have to write my last A-Levels exam tomorrow – History. I thought I can do it but it is so much. I have 20 pages (with front and back) with a lot of post-it’s about the German history from 1800 to 1949. Actually, I should know everything until 1990 but my brain and the time are too limited. The only thing I know is what I do not know. When I was afraid of German and English and could not imagine it could be worse. I cannot remember anything from history. My brain is totally blank. Moreover, I am very tired. I had no school today and I am learning since 12 am but it does not stay inside my head. I had hoped that writing it down will help me to learn it but I forgot somehow. Anyway, I think about doing this school year again so failing would help me make up my mind although I think there is nothing more horrible than messing it up. I think I started learning too late. I was convinced my written sheets help me but I CANNOT REMEMBER A DAMN THING! Help! I am so tired (physically and mentally). I am so afraid. History is about knowledge. Why did I chose it again? Oh yeah, because I am worse in any other subject. 

Please keep your fingers crossed. I am so scared! 

BECCA😱😨😰😭 (a total mess)

Done

hey there,

before I write my second A-Level exam tomorrow I want to tell you how English was. It was okay. When I got the three different suggestions I read them one by one. The first one was about slavery. There was a text about a 11 year old girl, who got a slave for her birthday but does not like it and lets her slave free. The first task was to summarize it. The second one was to analyze the stylistic devices and the narrative perspective and how they support the feeling of the girl. The third one was to write a speech as a speaker on a congress against slavery regarding a given bar chart about slavery in the U.K. today.

Suggestion B was about Ethnic identity. The text given were two excerpts of the drama “disgrace”. First, one had to outline the role of religion in Amir’s family. Second, one had to state on problems in relation to immigrants in the U.K. regarding material discussed in class and the last one was to assess whether cultural appropriation is reprehensible.

Suggestion C was about South Africa. This was a suggestion which had 3 tasks and a mediation. The mediation was about art as an expression of oppression. Task 1 was to summarize the English text. Task 2 was to compare the text to the picture given and to the killing of Amy Biehl in the novel “Mother to mother” by Sindiwe Magona, which we read in class. Discussing if art IS an expression of unsatisfaction was task 3.

After reading one by one I was sure not to pick the currently read one. I was almost ready to chose the one with the mediation although I thought it would be too much but after reading this one as well I was not sure which I should pick. They were all 💩. The first one I eliminated was C because the mediation text was terrible. It seemed it consisted only of names. Moreover, I did not wanted to work with the novel and was not sure what to write for task 3.

It took me really long to decide between A and B. Eventually, I chose B although I had not understand the text. I would have really liked to take A because writing a speech would have been great but the problem was I had not seen one stylistic device in the text and the task was important so I decided to take B. Fortunately, I understood the text while working with it but I think I wrote a lot of unimportant things and sometimes it is probably hard to understand what I mean. Later Jaqueline, who goes to a different school, told me that her teacher said that the Kultusministerium made a little mistake because there are only 2-3 stylistic devices in the text of suggestion A so it is not exspected to write about the stylistic devices but to write a general analysis. If I had known that I would have taken this suggestion! But I cannot blame my teacher because I asked the other English classes at my school but they have not known about it, too. Now it it over and I cannot change it anymore but this infuriates me more than I thought. Grrrr.

However, tomorrow I write my German A-Level exam and I am very nervous although I do not take it very serious because it would not have been necessary to learn for the English A-Levels so I think, better hope, for tasks like this in German, too, although there was no topic I had wished for in English. In German I would like to have poems from the Expressionism and the Romantic like the task last year. A task about “Die Jungfrau von Orleans” by Schiller, “Die Marquise von O” by Kleist or “Lenz” by Büchner would be okay as well. I definitely do not choose the task about “Der Prozess” by Kafka! Okay, I could pick the speech analysis if there is no other possible task although my teacher exspects a lot of background knowledge there. I am, again, not ready. I have not learned enough, again. I am nervous. I hope I can make it. Wish me luck.

All the best luck to the people who write tomorrow!

Becca;)

Hello, it’s me…

Hi, it’s me, again. I know you are probably thinking: What does she want, she wasn’t able to write for a year and now twice a day?
Yeah, you are right. It is just very, very boring and I feel very lonely so I thought why not write again?
Currently I watch New Year’s Eve and I feel (like every year) lonely. My sister left for the party, my dad and I had a fight at dinner, like every year. We always fight on New Year’s Eve and then on midnight everyone pretends that everything is alright and how much one loves each other and especially my dad tells us every year we should stay how we are. That is so insincere. I hate it.
Moreover I am worried that my cat does not come back before midnight, she has done it before on her first New Year’s Eve because she was so scared. Usually we do not let her go outside but she does not want to use the cat toilet, she only does her business outside and we can’t stand her wandering around and crying terribly. I thought she has almost 3 hours left to come back and it is very cold so she comes back after an hour but she is still not here. I hope she comes back in time.
The movie is almost over and I do not have the slightest idea what to do afterwards. It is going to be very boring. I do not want to celebrate with my parents especially not with my dad. I know, I know that’s wrong but it is like this every year and he is never NEVER able to apologize. You are probably saying: Becca, the wiser head gives in. I know that you are right but it is always the same and I have had enough. Well, it is likely that I will give in a few minutes before midnight so I am just now very furious.
I AM SO BORED. Even if my dad and I would not have had that fight I would not like be with him right now because he and my mum are watching an odd music show about old songs (and with old I mean they are so old even my mum does not know a lot of them!)

I hope you have a nice day/night/evening and please ignore me I am just furious and very bored.
Guten Rutsch and happy new year!

Becca♥