PANIC

HI GUYS. I AM SO NERVOUS. I AM WRITING MY FIRST ABITUR EXAM TOMORROW. IT  IS THE VERY FIRST ONE IN HESSE. IT IS THE ONE IN ENGLISH. I HAD TO LEARN THE CONTENT OF THE LAST 1 1/2 YEARS. *HYPERVENTILATING* IT IS SO HARD TO REALIZE THAT THIS IS THE MOMENT I HAVE WORKED AND LEARNED FOR ALMOST MY WHOLE LIVE – AT LEAST THE LAST 12 YEARS! I NEVER THOUGHT THE DAY WOULD COME SO FAST. I FEEL QUEASY. THIS MOMENT DECIDES ABOUT MY FUTURE. IT EITHER MAKES THAT WHAT I WANT TO DO POSSIBLE OR IMPOSSIBLE. THERE IS SO MUCH PRESSURE. I CANNOT COME OFF BADLY BECAUSE MY OTHER GRADES ARE ALREADY BAD. TOMORROW IS SO IMPORTANT. EVERYONE EXSPECTS ME TO PERFORM GOOD. THE ABITUR IS THE ONLY GOAL I HAVE IN MY LIFE EVER AND IF I HAVE IT SCHOOL IS OVER. I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO AFTERWARDS. IT IS SO SURREAL THAT THE MOMENT IS FINALLY THERE. 

TO BE HONEST I HAD SOME PANIC ATTACKS IN THE LAST DAYS. I JUST STAND THERE ( AT SCHOOL, AT HOME OR SOMEWHERE ELSE IN PUBLIC) AND JUST HAD TO STOP AND PUT MYSELF TOGETHER OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE CRIED BECAUSE THE THOUGHT OF WRITING MY ABITUR IN A FEW DAYS WAS AND IS SO OVERWHELMING. IT IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. I AM SO SCARED. I DO NOT THINK I HAVE LEARNED ENOUGH. I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED A LOT MORE. OMG. I DO NOT THINK I CAN SLEEP WELL TONIGHT. I AM SO NERVOUS. THIS IS CRAZY. UNBELIEVABLE. I DO NOT KNOW ENOUGH. MY STYLE IS BAD. MY FEHLERINDEX IS BAD. I DO NOT KNOW MUCH. THIS IS GOING TO GO TERRIBLY BAD. I AM SO AFRAID THAT I MESS IT UP. I HAVE NOT TAKEN IT SERIOUSLY ENOUGH. WHILE OTHERS LEARNED I DID SOMETHING FUN LIKE READING OR WATCHING PRISON BREAK (my new favorite season btw). I FEEL SO BAD FOR NOT LEARNING ENOUGH. I AM SO NERVOUS. I HOPE THERE WILL BE EITHER A POEM TO ANALYSE MAYBE IN REGARD TO SOUTH AFRICA AND APARTHEID OR THERE WILL BE A TASK ABOUT MULTICULTURALISM IN BRITAIN COMBAINED WITH PREDJUDICES IN THE US OR SOMETHING ABOUT THE AMERICAN DREAM. I HOPE THERE IS ONE OF THIS. PLEASE WISH ME LUCK. I AM SO AFRAID. 

GOOD LUCK TO ALL WHO ARE WRITING ENGLISH TOMORROW!

XOXO BECCA *PANICKING* 😨

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